The Ironic Story of a Normal College Student
by Hamlet1984
Summary: Imagine, a random college student is propelled to the anime world, not knowing how he got there, let alone what adventures he will face. Will he join various organizations in the name of justice? Will he overcome great obstacles, and fight great enemies? Will he find love? And above all, can he find his way home?
1. Chapter 1: Student and club

**A/N: This is my first ever fan fiction chapter, don't forget to comment below. On a side note, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya belongs to Nagaru Tanigawa. I hope you all enjoy, this is the beginning of a long, but interesting series!**

One thing is certain about this world, there are no aliens, espers, time travelers, and especially no random high school students with god-like powers that can alter the fabric of reality itself, and if they do exist, they must be doing a very good job of hiding themselves in this world we call home. Home, it is something that many of us seem to overlook, but enough about that, I am just a regular guy in college just trying to get by. My first year of college has just ended, and I look forward to summer vacation. One day, I was walking home from school after picking up the mail, mostly just junk mail, thinking to myself _it is a really peaceful night_. The wind starting picking up, so I hurried home, took my shoes off, and turned on the computer.

I was bored, so I decided to catch up on my manga reading online, mostly fairy fail and Rosario vampire, slowly, but surely, I began to get a little drowsy. Then I thought to myself, looking at the time, _I really need to get to bed_, so I went to my bedroom, turned the lights off, and went to bed. I could have sworn I heard a strange hum all around me, and then all of a sudden, it got really quite. I wake up, and I bump my head, realizing I am underneath a classroom desk. As soon as started looking around, it became very apparent to me that I was inside a Japanese classroom. _This is probably a weird dream I am having where I am in some random slice of life_. I walked around the building, seeing if anyone was around, which luckily no one appeared to be, then I noticed a familiar logo on a club room door in the hallway. I couldn't read the Japanese, but I knew without a doubt that it probably said "SOS Brigade." I opened the door, and just as I thought, it was the SOS Brigade clubroom. The bookstand was there, the random outfits Mikuru wears were there like the pink nurse uniform, the four laptops and the high-end computer was there, hell, the game disc of The Day of Sagittarius III was on the table ready to play.

As soon as closed the door behind me, I heard footsteps down the hall, and I began to get a little nervous, thinking, _No one else is here, who could it be?_ The door opened behind me, I turned around slowly, and there she is, Yuki Nagato. You began to speak, but considering I knew very little Japanese, I could not make out a single thing she said to me, so I replied, "Eh to, I don't speak Japanese." She responded with, "Based on your response, I deduct that not only do you not have sufficient knowledge of Japanese to handle basic communication with me, but you are most fluent in English, and based on initial data cross-referencing with the humanoid interface, there is 89.5% chance you are American. Is this correct?" At first, I was a little overwhelmed by the fact Nagato was speaking to me in English while Michelle Ruff's voice, but considering this is Nagato, I should not be really surprised. "Yes, I am American, and I should probably go, this dream is just getting a little to ridiculous." She responded with, "What parameters led you to think that the space that you are currently existing in is a figment of a dream space?" I said, "This world is not real, it is nothing more than a personification of my adoration for this fictional world from its source material?" "Are you implying that this world does not exist?" "Yes."

Seeming perplexed, Nagato responded with " If this world is not real, are you implying that not only do you acknowledge of this world's existence, which contradicts your theory on this world's plain of existence?" "Uh, I should clarify. The reason this world is not real is because it only exists as a manga/anime series back home." Nagato immediately grabbed my face as if observing a blemish on face, declaring, "Just as I thought, if my calculations are correct based on previous experience with crossing dimensional plains, closed space, and 'alternate' universes, then not only does your personal dimensional data not correlate on this plane of dimensional space, then I must conclude that you must originate from another source beyond this plain as existence you call 'universe'." Wait a minute, is she serious, either this dream is really out of hand, or somehow, I just jumped into another universe! Damn! "Nagato, if this is really not a dream, just….how I get back home?" "I can not reply to such a request without extensive research, and even then, chances are that in my current state, there is a .0000001% chance of success assuming I can replicate the transportation process that brought you here and generate energy greater than that of a black hole emerging from an exploding star." Realizing that she was telling the truth when even I did not know how I ended up here, I could not help but feel a sense of dread as I just spent the last ten minutes talking to Nagato and feeling joy from the nostalgia of being in the SOS brigade club room, only to find out I might never….go…home…..

Nagato proceeded to pull a pill out of her pocket, and bowing as though it was a gift. "Do you want to take this pill?" She nodded. "This pill contains nanomachines that will permanently enable you to comprehend any language imaginable, and enables basic sight abilities for you to see any abnormalities to avoid danger. By the way, what is your name?" "Alberto, Alberto Hernandez." Just as I told her my name and swallowed the pill, the door opened again, and this time, and even more 'infamous' voice could be heard. "Hey Nagato, guess what I found at the women's boutique downtown! I saw this deluxe white bunny girl outfit that was SO adorable! You can so team up with Mikuru to be the SOS brigade's first ever magical bunny girl duo! It would be amazing if you transformed and your hair turned blue and had red eyes…!" Ha….Haruhi…holy shit…..its freaking Haruhi Suzumiya! "Nagato, get away from that perverted vagrant who has the audacity to invade our sacred war room! Take this, you titanic beast of a man!" In just a split second, I went from standing upright to writhing in pain as Haruhi instantaneously kicked me in the crotch without remorse. "Mrs. Suzumiya, he is not a vagrant, in fact, I have considerable reason to believe that he can a great asset to our brigade." Surprised, Haruhi replied, "Well, well, are you an alien, an esper, or maybe a time-traveler Mr. Vagrant?" "My name is not Mr. Vagrant! I am just a guy from another universe dammit!"

"And what of it? How does that make you interesting?" I proceeded to explain my current predicament, how I was from another universe, and how I knew about the SOS brigade. Haruhi exponentially became more intrigued in my story, Nagato began to do calculations on her laptop, Koizumi smiled and nodded which was kind of creepy, mikuru blushed in embarrassment as though I told a dirty secret, and Kyon bore a look on his face as though he was saying with his face , "I know what you are going through man." Of course he would react like that, he spent time in another universe where Nagato was the one with god-like powers and was human. Kyon was the first to respond after I finished my tale, "so, what should we do now?" Thinking about the most practical idea, I said that "we should probably investigate where I entered this universe, it might provide clues with how I got here if we figure out the point of origin." Nagato looked up as though I just said the magic words, "we should investigate immediately." Koizumi responded with, "I agree, lets head over to the classroom and check it out." "Hey, just a minute, I am the president of this fine brigade, no one moves unless I say so!" "Haruhi, you do realize that they just left by the time you started ranting about your chain of command." "Shove it Kyon. Lets follow them, and give the ultimate penalty for an act of treason to their superior officer."

As I entered into the classroom from a little while ago, I began to notice that things seemed to be different about the classroom, I started to see strange waves of energy about the classroom. _Could this be the nanomachines kicking in, giving me the ability to see what could not normally be seen? This is awesome!_ I took one more step towards the desk I woke up from, and a bright aura of light surrounded, and I realized, it was happening again. I was going to be teleported. To where. To when. Will I even survive the trek to where no man has gone before?

One thing is certain, this is just the beginning of a crazy journey for me…..


	2. Chapter 2:Student and Soul Reaper

**A/N Hey everyone, I was pretty busy this week, but I managed to finish this chapter. Just a quick update, I changed how I handled dialogue, so it is easier to read when not lost in the middle of a paragraph. Also for future reference, when a character is having internal dialogue, it will be in italics, and 'other' character dialogue will be in bold. I might have time during the weekend to write chapter 3, so stick around for the next chapter.**

By the time I came to, the aura of light that teleported me disappeared, and I realized _I am in the middle of a street_. I looked around, trying to see if this street was recognizable, thinking, _well, I am still in anime Japan, but_ _where_? It started to rain, and there was a little girl by a lamp post down the street, crying. _Wait a minute, a chain is hanging from her chest, and does that mean she is a wandering spirit in the world of the living_.

Seeing that no one else is around, I asked the girl, "What's wrong."

The girl wiped her tears, asking, "Can you help me find my brother?"

"Sure."

We walked side by side, going down the street as the girl led me down the street.

She tripped a little, and then asked, "What is your name?"

"My name is Alberto, but you can call me Al."

"Al-kun, can we find a place to spend the night? I am getting sleepy."

"Well what do you know, that's Ichigo's house up ahead. We can probably spend the night there."

"Okay senpai, Ichigo sometimes visits me by the lamppost on his way to school."

_Wait; did this girl just call me senpai? Kawaii_. We walked to the front door, and rang the doorbell. Ichigo's sister, yuzu, answered the door.

"Who is it?"

"Hey yuzu, this little girl was lost, and said she knew Ichigo, so I was wondering if she could spend the night, she could not find her brother. I think she is lost."

Yuzu responded with, "Wait, how in the world you know my name?"

_Oh crap, I almost forgot that I am complete stranger, it would look suspicious if I started acting as though I knew everyone. I should be careful of what I say_.

"Uh, I overheard Ichigo's dad mentioning something about his daughters at the clinic on my way here. Then, I ran into this girl and decided to take her here."

"Okay, but may I ask, why are you in pajamas?"

"This may sound strange, but I literally woke up at school in the middle of the night, and started to head home when I figured out that I was sleepwalking."

Karin entered the hallway from her room, asking, "Hey sis, who is at the door."

"Looks like we have a couple guests that know Ichigo." Karin walked closer to us, immediately recognized the girl, but looked at me as though I was a suspicious character.

"How tall are you? You seem a bit taller than Ichigo."

"I am 188 cm tall."

"I wouldn't do anything suspicious if I were you, my brother can kick your ass if you try anything."

_Of course he would Karin; he is a freaking substitute soul reaper_. Ichigo's two sisters offered us dinner, and by the time the four of us sat down to eat, we all heard a loud roar from outside.

"Al-kun, I am scared. They found me, I don't how, but they me. Run for it Al-kun!"

"Wait, what found you?"

"The hollows!"

At that very moment she mentioned hollows, a hollow jumped in through the window, knocking out Yuzu and Karin with its snake-like tail, with its sickening yellow eyes staring at the little girl spirit as though she was supper. It charged straight for us, but thankfully, I managed to grab my chair and knock the thing into the living room. Another hollow rammed its way through the front door, so I grabbed the little girl and a meat cleaver from the kitchen and tossed it at the second hollow like it was a tomahawk. I barely managed to hit one of its eyes as I ran out the front door, realizing that we were no longer safe inside the house.

"Hey little girl, where is the clinic! If we can find Ichigo, we should be safe from the hollows."

"Keep going north on this street until we hit the main road."

"Okay."

I kept running without looking back, hoping the hollows didn't follow us. As if things could not possibly get worse, another hollow appeared running towards us. _Wait a minute; this hollow does not appear to be charging at us, it is as though it was running away from something_. Not a split second later, the hollow stopped right it front of my face, then I realized _crap, am I bleeding?_ I looked up, and a soul reaper appeared with his zanpakuto stabbing the hollow in the back. _Just as I thought, this hollow was running away from a soul reaper, and the soul reaper flash stepped to attack, stabbing me in the process. I am dizzy. I am bleeding too much. No. I can't die here. Not now. This is not how I want to go. Things cannot end this way. I…..must live!_

I immediately grabbed the zanpakuto, hoping to remove it from my chest, but, all of a sudden, I became engulfed in a blinding aura of neon green light. Next thing I know, the zanpakuto turned into a large dagger.

The soul reaper replied, "What did you do? Oh shit, more hollows! I need to report this to the soul society!"

"Wait."

_Did I just turn into a soul reaper? That is awesome! _The little girl fainted in my arms at the sight of my blood. I hope she is alright. I turned around, feeling a dark presence behind me as I saw the two hollows from earlier running, ready to attack us. _What should I do? _

**Keep calm.**

_Who are you?_

**I am your zanpakuto. Listen carefully; those hollows are not going to stop hunting the little girl without a fight. If you want to make a difference, trust my power and finish off the hollows, otherwise, you are just as vulnerable as the girl in your arms. Al, I know can do this, just cast aside all doubts, and focus. Focus on the task at hand. Survive, not only for your sake, but my sake as well.**

_Alright, let's finish off these bastards._

I drew my zanpakuto, and charged. I did not care what was going to happen next, if I can survive this, maybe, just maybe, I can find a way home. The hollow with tail charged head first, swinging his tail. Its tail charged for my leg, I jump out the way, then I stab the tail, and then I bashed its face in with my knee. _One down, one to go._ I could tell the other hollow was not going to be a push over, the thing rammed into a door like it was paper. Getting a good a look at it now, I noticed that the hollow had thick, almost armored skin.

**Aim for the joints, that is most likely its weak spot.**

_I see, let's do it._

I gripped my zanpakuto as hard as I could, and aimed straight for one of the hollows kneecap, and proceeded to dig in its flesh as it screamed in pain. Then, I pulled out my zanpakuto, I slashed its armed off, and finally, slit its throat, watching its hollow body disappear into nothingness.

_Oh shit, I just killed some hollows; I can barely feel my arms. Why am I so dizzy….._

I collapsed, glad that the worst is over.

_Hopefully, we can endure, and go home._

**Rest now, Al. You need to rest if you want to be strong enough to overcome any obstacle on our journey home.**


	3. Chapter 3:Student and Zanpakuto

I had a dream. In my dream, I awoke underneath a cherry tree that just blossomed, watching the pedals fly in the wind. All around me was a large field of grass. To the north, there was a huge gatehouse, with over 100 foot walls as far as the eyes can see. To the south behind me was a massive forest with trees that rivaled the Sequoia trees back home in size.

_Where am I? Why am I here? Maybe if I go to the gatehouse, I can find the answers I need._

**Hello, Al. I know you have a lot of questions, but be patient, let answer them one at a time. For starters, all that you see before you is the inner workings of your soul. Every blade of grass, every living entity, and every building****you see is a part of you. It all represents your personality, your mental status, and above all, your well-being. Since you are resting peacefully, the wind is calm, the wildlife is sparse, and the locals are peaceful. Do not be afraid, I here to protect you. I am your shield and sword. Where you go, I go. I am like a Samurai, whose purpose and meaning is to serve one's master.**

I saw the outline of a young girl at the top of the gateway. _Is that you, my zanpakuto._

**Yes, Al.**

_What is your name?_

**I can not tell you that yet. You are not ready to handle shikai yet. You just managed to wield me until you ran out of spirit energy and collapsed.**

As my zanpakuto told me this, the world around me seemed to faded away. The next thing I knew, I actually woke up, seeing the last guy I wanted to see as I woke up.

"Tessai, get out of my face!" I head-butted him, hoping he got out my face. _Seriously, this happened to Ichigo, why do I have to wake up with a creepy shop assistant staring at me in my sleep that works for Urahara?_

"Mr. Urahara, this boy knows my name, should I interrogate him?" Tessai Tsukabishi said.

"No, let him explain himself first before we do anything. I want to find out as much as I can before the Soul Society decides to anything about him." I arose from the bed roll, noticing that I was in the back of Urahara's shop.

"Mr. Urahara, how did I get here?"

"You collapsed after defeating those two hollows on the street. Ichigo and his friends happened to be returning from clearing hollows in the area when they noticed you were fighting hollows, carrying a spirit in your arms."

"Is she alright."

"Yes, she decided after regaining consciousness to be sent to the soul society to be somewhere safe from hollows. Ichigo performed a konso to send her soul there."

"That would be a logical choice."

"May I ask, you seem to know a lot about soul reapers to the point what I say about them appears to be common knowledge to you. Why is that? Also, how did you become a soul reaper? I only ask concerned the soul society will treat you with scrutiny however you act as a substitute soul reaper."

"You would not believe me even if I told you, and if I did, it would make the Hogyoku look like a paper weight in comparison."

"Oh really, try me if you know so much about me." I proceeded to explain my current predicament in how I ended up being in this universe, how I know about the soul reapers, and how I became a substitute soul reaper. He seemed to be particularly intrigued about how I knew about this this world.

"Well, it's a good thing you came to me first because if you told that story to the soul reapers, they would think you were some sort of spy. Personally, I highly doubt you could be a threat to them, but just to be safe, I suggest you stay here until things get sorted out."

"Okay, but what should I about being a substitute soul reaper. I don't really know how to use my powers yet."

"Come with me downstairs, but first, eat some breakfast. We would not want to start a training session without some food in our stomachs." _Training? Does this mean I get to learn to master my soul reaper powers? Awesome!_

**Don't be so hasty Al. This is for our benefit. If you can learn to control your power, you can overcome many obstacles. Who knows, it be what we need to survive this universe.**

After breakfast, we headed downstairs to Urahara's training room under the shop. Don't get me wrong, I have seen the training room from watching the show, but seeing it real life amazed me, it was an endlessly expansive wasteland as far as the eyes can see. Far off in the in the distance, I could see Ichigo dueling with Rukia along side with Orihime and Chad. _Wait a minute, if Urahara did not the Soul Society to think I was some sort of spy, what is Rukia doing here? Is she simply here to keep tabs on me? I should probably be careful with what I say._

**I wouldn't worry if I were you. Most likely she will be more understanding of humans considering here "relationship" with Ichigo.**

_Good point._

Ichigo, Rukia, and the others flash stepped towards us. _This is so cool, I so want to learn to flash-step._ Rukia walked up to me, looked into my eyes to see if there was anything wrong with me and asked me ,"What is your name, substitute soul reaper?"

"My name is Alberto Hernandez, but you can call me Al." Rukia proceeded to interrogate me, specifically asking about how I received my powers, so I complied, hoping that she would prevent the soul society from being on my case.

"Rukia, don't you want to know how I got here?"

"Urahara already informed about your current predicament."

"How?" As soon as I mentioned this, I noticed behind her stood Urahara. _How can he be in two places at once. No, there is something off about this Urahara, I can feel it about him._

**Can you sense it? This is not Urahara, but rather some sort of body double, probably one of his inventions with gigai's.**

"That isn't Kisuke, is it? Is it some sort of gigai body double?"

"Quite the observant one aren't you, or rather, did you sense the gigai?"

"I felt that something was not quite right about this Kisuke."

"Amazing, you just woke up not long after becoming a soul reaper, and already you are beginning to sense things that aren't human. I think you have the potential to be a fine substitute soul eater, but first, lets get you out that human body of yours."

Kisuke hit me in the back with his cane, turning me into my soul reaper form instantly. I watched as my body collapsed behind me, and I immediately noticed I could barely breath. That day, I learned to breath, and practiced basic sword fighting techniques with Kisuke. Progress came slowly when I kept losing my zanpakuto whenever I tried to block Kisuke's attacks, flying out of my hands until I did something even I thought I could ever do. Around my fifth day of training, my zanpakuto told me to think of my zanpakuto as a sewing pin, and that I should bind my spiritual energy together if I was ever to succeed at fighting by using my spirit energy, not just brute strength. Taking these words into account, just when I thought I was about to lose my zanpakuto trying to block, I reached once more to grab it as it went flying in the air. All of a sudden, a green/silver string materialized from my hands, latching itself to my zanpakuto's hilt.

Urahara seemed surprised, so I took this opportunity, grabbed my zanpakuto, and made my first successful attack, making a cut on his elbow.

"Al, it took you some time to muster your spirit energy, but now you know how to fight with your spirit energy, lets take a break and I shall teach you some basic kido, that way you can learn to master manipulating your spirit energy. Soon, you might even learn to use shikai."

"Thank you."

The next three days, I eventually learned how to use hado #33 sokatsui, which I managed to create an aura of blue flames as a projectile, and bakudo #1, sai, at the request of my zanpakuto to learn to bind my spirit energy into strands of string to immobilize a target. _I get the feeling that my shikai has something to do with sewing, my zanpakuto keeps talking with sewing metaphors as though it will help me concentrate my power, and hopefully, be strong enough to wield shikai._ When I was not training with Kisuke those eight days, I helped sort inventory as I mentioned I had experience in such affairs from working at the College library back home. He put me to work saying it will compensate for my stay. Personally, it sure as hell beat waiting for a response by the soul society for my fate as a soul reaper while eating someone else's food and drink. It is not like to just take advantage of the situation, I am just glad I do not have to worry about getting food when I am so far from home. _Home, will I ever be able to find a way home? Who knows, I just need to survive for now and wait to find answers as to why and how I am here._

On the ninth day I spent in Karakura town, Rukia showed at the shop seemed rather pre-occupied, her eyes hung low and sullen. I asked her, "What's wrong Rukia."

"Some members of squad 2 and the lieutenant have gone missing."

"Missing?" _I wonder what is going on._

"They were on a mission in the world of the living when word got out that a Quincy was attacking soul reapers here in Karakura town. It is believed that Uryu attacked them, then all of a sudden, they disappeared. I returned to investigate."

"Not to undermine this morbid news, but what has the soul society decided to do with me?"

"For now, so long as you do not show opposition or hinder their operations, they quite frankly do not care. Lately, the 13 court guard squad has been pre-occupied with the rise of hollow attacks around the world. Many hollows are now directly attacking soul reapers on sight, appearing and disappearing without end, and even attacking each other. The few existing Quincy's have been oddly quiet, so Caption Yamamoto requested squad 2 to investigate, fearing they might plan to attack the soul society out of vengeance. When they went to the Ishida residence to gather Intel, a Quincy arrow was shot, so they proceed to defend themselves. Uryu was seen by witnesses with his Quincy bow drawn, then, a bright light emerged, then, they were gone."

"May I join you? I think it would be a good idea if I came along because based on your description, its seems to me they were transported to another world just as I was transported to this world. If we can find out how this phenomenon occurs, maybe we can find the lost squad members." _And maybe, I can go home, where it is safe, and peaceful._

"Alright, but don't do anything stupid, I won't be responsible if you end up in a body bag, so try to die at the sight of a hollow."

"Al, before you go, take this with you. While it may look like a soul reaper badge to you, it is designed for a human like yourself with soul reaper powers to be enclosed in your soul reaper form, protecting your body instead of leaving it on the ground or at the hands of a mod soul to run away. It may be of use to you."

"How can I ever repay you?"

"You can return the favor if you come back alive and tell me how good it works." _Are you serious, you have not even tested it yet? _**Could be worse, he could of giving us kon. **_Good Point._

We headed to the Ishida residence, hoping to find clues. Rukia, Urahara, Ichigo and I went to house, sensing a strange presence from the home. Hollows jumped out of the windows, surrounding us on all fronts. There were about 30 of them, but things got worse when a Menos Grande emerged , charging up a cero at us. Ichigo charged, cutting the Menos down with his Getsuga Tensho, Rukia released her shikai and began to cut down some hollows to our right, and Urahara attacked the hollows on the left. Realizing that our rear flank was exposed, I pulled out the modified soul reaper badge, only to realize that I had no idea how to use it.

"Urahara, how do I use this thing."

"Hold it out in front of you and say 'It's morphin time'." _Has this guy been watching too much super sentai, or did he just say what I think he said._

**Do it Al, it will be fun.**

_Fine._

I held out my arms with the badge, and yelled, "Its morphin time." A great aura of my own spirit energy emerged as my body became encased in my soul reaper form. _Now, to do with the hollows on our rear._ There were five of them, knowing that I could not take them all at once without being attacked, I began to manipulate my spirit energy to form a string, tied it to my zanpakuto, and proceeded to swing it above my head. Three hollows to my right charged, so I let go, letting my zanpakuto fly by, cutting one of the hollows leg off, tripping the others behind it. I stabbed the other two hollows, killing them in the process. The first hollow soon died in agony of its injury. The last two hollows began to run around me, so I closed my eyes. I noticed that I could sense where spirits were significantly more in my training if I focused, closing my eyes to anticipate their presence. _One of them is leaping behind me, wait for it._

**Attack now Al!**

I stabbed straight up, finishing off one of the hollows by stabbing through the belly. The last hollow ran off.

"Get over here!"

I tossed my zanpakuto like a kunai, managing to catch the hollow in its back, reeling it in as it tried to run away. It shrieked in pain as it tried to run away. _That's odd, why is it trying to run away in that direction, but there is nothing there._

**Do you feel that Al.**

_Yeah, I do._

A 'gateway' emerged, similar to what brought me to Karakura town, it engulfed the floor before me.

_Here we go, where will this 'gateway' take me now…._

**A/N: Finally, this chapter is finally finished, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It does have more dialogue than the previous chapters, but only to set things for future chapters to come. I will give a hint to where Al shall go. Leaf. Feel free to comment on how you liked the series and where I can improve. I will see all you later with chapter 4.**


	4. Chapter 4: Zanpakuto and Ninja

By the time the bright light from the 'gateway' subsided, I noticed that wherever I was, I clearly was not near a city. In fact, I was on a dirt road in the countryside. Where, I could not tell. All I knew was that wherever I was, most likely Uryu and the soul reapers from squad 2 took this same route. I could sense remnants of their reishi, but not enough to tell where they went. _Where could they have gone?_ I noticed up ahead that there was a small farm with a corn field, about a acre or two. _Maybe the farmer at lives here saw the soul reapers pass by, maybe even give me directions. Better yet, I probably should figure out where I am so I can figure what I may be up against if danger lurks around._

**One thing at a time Al, lets talk with the farmer first.**

As I got closer to the farm, I noticed a cart speeding down the road, sensing two people. What bothered me was that their energy was very strong, but the way their energy felt was similar to a soul reaper's, yet different at the same time. It felt like the source of their energy came from within their bodies at specific points. _Hold on, strength from within, focused energy from multiple points throughout the body, and wait a sec, did one of patrons on the cart have a black coat with red clouds? They are Akatsuki! This is the world of Naruto!_

** Calm down Al! Now is not the time for panicking. If we anticipated this, we could have gotten out of your soul reaper form and not appear to be a threat. Whatever you do, don't be the aggressor. Just let them pass onto their business, no matter how evil it may be, and keep going down the road. I only care about our survival, leave the farmer be.**

_But…._

**Don't go and be a hero Al! You are not wearing plot armor.**

One of the Akatsuki approached, smiling liked he heard a sick joke and said, "Hey samurai, you seem to be pretty far from the Land of Iron. Where is your precious armor? Or maybe, you are just a trainee. Tell me trainee, where is the owner of this farm, we have 'business' to discuss with him. Our higher-ups told us that a former samurai lived here with knowledge of where we could find a tail-beast nearby."

I replied with, "I do not know anything about the owner of this farm, I just came for directions. You see, I am lost, and I am looking for some comrades of mine to take them home."

**Good one Al, play the foreigner card with master assassins! Like that is going to work.**

_Quiet my zanpakuto! We don't know if they are using a jutsu to read our minds. _

Truth be told, I was not that familiar with the Naruto series. I understood the basic mechanics like the five nations, shinobi , chakra, and some of the plot mostly from friends who were into the series. I definitely knew that the Akatsuki were bad news considering their members have been villains throughout Naruto Shippuden like Itachi, Pain, and Madara.

The Akatsuki that talked to me got off his cart horse, wearing a crescent moons-shaped helmet and had a daikatana that appeared to be glowing. I could sense a great deal of energy being pushed into the blade. The other wore a leather eye-patch, staring at me as though trying to determine what my next move will be, showing off his claw gauntlets as though he meant business. He proceeded to say, "Hey Date, didn't we see a samurai with a squad of ninjas in black clothes heading north from this road."

"Yeah Masamune, I saw them chasing a strange man in white."

_They must be talking about Uryu and the soul reapers from squad two_.

"Please, can you point to where they might be heading."

"And why would I do that. I know you are hiding something, otherwise we would have not said anything so vital now would we Masamune."

"You said it Date, now tell us where the samurai on this farm is hiding, or we will be forced to cut it out of you."

_Oh crap, I need to get out of here._

**Al, I need to tell you something. You were actually able to use shikai for the past two days, but I felt that mentally, you were not ready. Let me make up this one fault by telling you my name. My name is tsuwamono. Call forth my name, and use my power to defend yourself. Lookout, the Akatsuki are going to attack.**

_Wait, what is your kaigo? How can I use shikai without knowing the correct incantation?_

**What is the one metaphor I have using this entire time since I have come into existence.**

_You keep talking about sewing. That's it. Sew._

The Akatsuki drew arms, ready to pounce on me for wasting their time until I shouted, extending my arms out over my zanpakuto , "Sew, Tsuwamono!" My zanpakuto glowed neon green, growing in length, until finally taking shape. The Akatsuki named Date attacked first with his daikatana while the other named Masamune held back. I grabbed my zanpakuto as hard as I could, closed my eyes, and swung to block as hard as I could. I opened my eyes, realizing I blocked Date's attack. Come to think of it, Tsuwamono bore a strange form. It was a white bokken (Japanese wooden practice sword) which seemed to be made entirely of a silken string of pure spirit energy.

_How do I use this sword?_

**The bonds of string sewn in this sword are yours to command. Simply sew you spirit energy into this sword, and let it take shape of what you desire of me to become. I shall be your blade which binds together to the shape of your choice.**

_A little vague, but I think I get what you mean._

"What the hell did you do trainee!"

"Date, be careful! He seems to be more dangerous than we previously thought."

As they were surprised by Tsuwamono's transformation, I focused most of my spirit energy into the sword, thinking only of hoping it will change form. _Become a blade that can has no rival in size. I want to end this in one swing._

**There you go. Now let's finish this fight.**

_Together._

Tsuwamono's binds loosened as the layers and layers of string glowed with my spirit energy, and in a few seconds, took on a very distinctive shape. _I know I wanted to end this in one swing, but not bludgeon them to death. _

**Come on Al, it will be fun. Once you get used to my power in shikai, you can gain better control of my form.**

Tsuwamono took form of the buster sword, but did not fell any heavier than before. In fact, it felt extremely light, like holding a ruler. I jumped back, and tied the

Akatsuki's legs together by yelling, "bakudo #1, Sai!" I ran forward, sword held high above me, and slashed a deep cut that left a scar on Date's face, splitting his helmet in half. Scared, he dropped his blade, so I changed my swing, and drew blood as I cut across his chest through his coat.

He fell in defeat, replying, "I…..I have failed…..Pain is going to be pissed about our blunders…"

"My turn. Take this you samurai freak!"

Masamune charged, so I blocked with the broad side of Tsuwamono. _Hold on Tsuwamono, we can finish this._

**I….will be…fine…..just…..keep fighting…. for our survival!**

Out of nowhere, an old man wearing a grey kimono charged from the cornfield, managing to make a cut by placing some his chakra into his katana to extend its reach in an energy attack. Masamune chanted, "Shadow clone jutsu." Now there were five Masamune's surrounding us. The two behind me charged, and suddenly, something occurred that even I did not expect.

**Sorry Al, there is one last thing I forgot to tell you. When I am in my shikai form, I have and alternate form, for you see, the part of your spirit energy that became me has a 'physical' form. Don't be shocked.**

_What do you mean 'physical' form?_

Tsuwamono started to glow again, only is was not from my spiritual pressure, but rather my zanpakuto's energy. A puff of smoke appeared, then a little girl appeared in my hands. She looked just like the girl I saw within my soul.

_No way! You are my zanpakuto!? _

"**I will take on the clones behind us, you get out of here."**

"Like hell I am going to do that! Ye lord! Mask of flesh and bone, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of Man! Truth and temperance, upon this sinless wall of dreams unleash but slightly the wrath of your claws! Hado #33! Sokatsui!"

Using most of my spirit energy, I barely managed to take out one of the Masamune shadow clones by basically blasting it at point blank range in the face. Another clone fell at the hands of the old Samurai, but he got knocked out by another clone. Tsuwamono punched the two clones behind us right in the dragon balls, instantly disappearing upon impact. One was left, it had to be the real one. He began to chant a chakra unknown to me, releasing a great deal of chakra, but then, a blue arrow from the forest was shot, impaling him in the lung. _Uryu, where are you?_ He fell to his knees, declaring that, "crap, I should have …intervened sooner."

He faded away as nothing more than a pile of sand, including his partner. _No wonder, these were just clones all along. This fight seemed to be way to easy. _I exited out of soul reaper form, exhausted from the fight. _Tsuwamono, why did not tell me earlier?_

"**Hey Al, sorry about not mentioning this earlier, even I did not really know for sure if I had a physical form." **

"You seem much shorter than I last remembered seeing you. Were you always this small?"

"**Are you calling me a pipsqueak?"**

"No, that is not what I meant. Last time I saw you were on top of…"

"**Who are calling a pipsqueak, midget!" **

The next thing I know, I am on the ground as she round house kicked my feet after binding them together with bakudo #1. She stood on top of my chest, staring at me like I was a crazy idiot.

"**You idiot, never call a pipsqueak again! You got that!"**

"Got it, but shouldn't we help out the old samurai? I think he is still bleeding."

Together, we picked him up and dragged him home.

**A/N: Hey everyone, chapter 4 is finally done! I really wanted this chapter to be finished to establish a new character I wanted to have since the beginning, Tsuwamono. Like I mentioned in this chapter, I don't know too much about the Naruto series, so to compensate, I created a few characters that can fit in the world of Naruto. Arc-wise, I enter in early in the Pain arc, so Naruto is training and whatnot. Feel free to give feedback.**


	5. Chapter 5: Ninja Lessons part 1

Tsuwamono and I patched up the old man's injuries with some cloth lying around his home, but something really bugged me. _How could my zanpakuto have a human form? Is she technically even 'human'?_

"**I can still here you in this form, and as far as I can tell, this is a 'human' form for me. My best guess is that it might have something to do with that modified soul reaper badge Kisuke gave you. Think about it, your entire body becomes encased in your own spiritual pressure from being a soul reaper using the badge, and you get out of soul reaper form by releasing the excess spirit energy from your body. Maybe in the process of using shikai, the spirit energy used to create me, plus the badge's ability to remain in your body while in soul reaper form inadvertently allowed me to stay in a physical state beyond a zanpakuto."**

"That seems very likely, but why did you tell me that you knew you had a physical form?"

"**I sensed while in shikai that my very essence began to go toward your soul reaper badge. One night, when you were asleep, I used some of my own spirit energy on your soul reaper badge to see what would happen. As a result, I bore a physical state outside of your soul, almost possessing the badge itself. By the way, I am hungry!"**

"What do you want me to do about it? It is not like I can just raid this guy's pantry for free."

The old man began to cough, asking for water. Tsuwamono grabbed a pitcher from the kitchen and serve him water with a large serving spoon. Come to think it, this man has a nice little home. While it is not made for a family, it bears the essentials to live comfortably, it has kitchen with a home-made stove, a little wooden table, some chairs around what I believe to be the living room, and a bed cot in the corner.Next thing I know, I hear Tsuwamono's stomach growling as though it was great lion.

"Fine, let's raid the pantry."

The old man began to sit up, replying, "There is some leftover udon noodles in that pot in the kitchen so go ahead and eat some. It is the very least I can do to compensate for saving my life. If you need anything else, that is going to cost you."

"**Are you kidding, you are just going to feed us and kick us out unless we pay for room and board…"**

"Tsuwamono, be quiet, this man at least has the courtesy of feeding us. And besides, what makes you think he can provide more to us when a) he is injured, b) does not have much food, and c) is a farmer so it is highly unlikely that he can pay us or anything. By the way, thank you for the meal, and what is your name?"

"What….is your name stranger? I should be the one asking questions as the two of you showed up being followed by a couple of Akatsuki, hesitating to fight them when they are currently causing having havoc. Hell, at this very moment, there is a fear of an Akatsuki invasion if they are not found and dealt with. Are you working with them, or are you too much of a coward to fight back?"

"I am not a coward, sir, I could sense a great deal of energy within them, if I took them head-on, I would just end up dead!"

"By the way of the samurai, you dare hesitate in the presence of the enemy?"

"I am not a samurai dammit, in fact, I not even from this world! I just ended up here via 'gateway', looking for some people also not of this world in hopes of finding a way home!"

"What 'gateway'?"

Tsuwamono and I showed him down the road where we came from. I am not at all surprised the 'gateway' disappeared, since it always seems to disappear as soon as I cross over. The old samurai felt the ground, as though he felt something abnormal.

"What is this? I sense a great deal of energy left on this patch of earth, but it feels nothing like chakra, come to think of it, the energy I sense in your body is not chakra either. What are you and what are you doing here?"

I proceeded to answer his questions as he listened attentively, while Tsuwamono ate some udon, making little faces at me like a five year old in a candy store._ What is the deal with you Tsuwamono? You are starting to creep me out._

**Udon! (She says as though she Italy from Hetalia eating pasta)**

_Ok, you really were hungry, weren't you?_

**And you are not?**

As she said this to me telepathically (soul reapers and zanpakuto can speak to each other indirectly due to the bonds of their souls), my stomach growled a little, so I grabbed some udon as well as I finished answering the old man's questions.

"What is your name young man?"

"The name is Al, what is yours."

"I am known as Kai and what is the name of that….. 'weapon.'"

"Her name is Tsuwamono."

"**Hello Kai….nom..nom…nom….."**

"So, if I heard you correctly, the two of you are looking for some people called soul reapers, basically undead samurai warriors whose squadron are master ninjas, and a Quincy, an archer that manipulates energy from his surroundings, in hopes of finding a way home. I may not know jack shit about these people, but if they are not dealt with peacefully, the ninja clans will surely think they will pose a threat."

"What do you think I should do?"

"Find them, and talk to them, hopefully preventing a conflict. I suggest you have a backup plan."

"What kind of backup plan?"

"I may be old, but I have connections with the locals. I know a couple of pupils that can help you prevent these people from causing trouble with the locals if they are seen. Worst case scenario, they are thought of akatsuki and are held captive against there will as prisoner's of war."

"Kai, I think I have a plan that might work, but it will rely on two things. One, I can pretend to be someone of authority, tell them the situation, and hide them. Or, subdue them and hide them until we can figure out to get out of this world safely and discretely. Here is two problems with such a plan, 1) talking outright to these soul reapers won't work without persuasion by a superior officer/ superior comrade, which I am neither, and 2) plan B. will only work if your pupils learn a technique that can quickly subdue people. What I am trying to say is that before we do anything about them, we must first prepare to face them at all costs. I must learn transformation technique if plan A. is going to work, and in return teach your pupils a soul reaper technique called bakudo #1 Sai."

"If I may ask, what does this technique do?"

"Bakudo #1 is a basic kido technique used by soul reapers to subdue enemies with an invisible string of spirit energy."

I proceeded to explain more in detail about kido to Kai, believing that it may be possible to teach his pupils a technique which relies on manipulating energy, which in theory any ninja can learn as ninjas in this world manipulate the chakra in their body to use jutsu. That night, we headed to a small farming village where Kai said his two pupils lived and trained privately under his supervision in hopes of joining the ranks of the ninjas that protect Konoha village. It's funny, this village brings back memories of this little town back home I tend to visit every Sunday when I could to visit my grandparents. It is very small, surrounded by farmland as far as the eyes can see, everyone knew everyone, and above all, there was always good local cuisine. Kai treated Tsuwamono and I to some freshly made Tonkatsu (pork cutlet) from ingredients bought in the local market. I never had the opportunity to try Tonkatsu, but it just simply one the best pork meals I had (aside from Chicharon mixed with tomatillo sauce).

After dinner, Kai introduced us to his pupils, Klonoa and Kosei, each of which were barely eleven years old. _Now that I think about it, ninjas here are trained starting at a very young age. They might_ _be more useful than I thought_.

"Al, this is my niece Klonoa, and this is her brother Kosei. They have been training to become ninjas for the hidden leaf village the past year. They are familiar with basic jutsu's, and are almost ready to graduate and become genin rank (low rank) ninja. Klonoa is better at stealth and speed, while Kosei fairs better with jutsu's."

"Nice to meet to you Al, I hope I can teach you transformation technique."

"What is that, I see something SHINY!?"

Klonoa ran so fast past me that I almost did not notice her pass by. _Wait, where did my keychain go? _

"Hey give that back, Bakudo #1, Sai!" Thankfully, I managed to tie her legs together as she ran off, tripped, and bumped into a nearby hay bail.

"Let me go! I just wanted to touch the shiny thing in your pocket."

"Ok, first off, stop trying to steal my stuff! Second, I am going to teach you that technique, so you don't get your ass kicked by some soul reaper like me! We will begin training tomorrow morning."

**A/N: Finally, I can say this with a serious face! My word count for this fan fiction….it's…it's OVER 9000! Now that this matter is out of the way, I am glad this chapter is out of the way. Be ready for chapter 6, as Al begins to train. Will he be able to learn transformation technique? Can he take on a squadron of soul reapers along side novice ninja in training? Will he get the answers he needs to find a way home? Find out on the next chapter.**


	6. Chapter 6: Ninja Lessons part 2

That morning after breakfast, Tsuwamono and I began training to learn the transformation technique, and we spent literally three hours trying to learn it, not necessarily master, one technique. After a couple hours, Tsuwamono finally learned to use transformation technique, while I on the other had was really having no luck. What made matters worse that Tsuwamono kept mocking me in the process for being incapable of learning such a 'simple' technique. I almost had enough when she began to insult while using transformation technique.

"**Come on Al, you can do it! It is not like you are giving up an arm and a leg to change your body." **

She did this insult taking the form of Edward Elric and I thought to myself, _you dare insult me with ironic humor shrimp puff? Let me show you how much I want to shut your mouth up as soon as I learn to use this freaking technique!_

**What are you going to do, hit me? You wouldn't hit your own zanpakuto would you?**

I attempted my transformation one last time, not realizing I actually succeeded in using it, and proceeded to grab Tsuwamono by the back of the shirt she was wearing. While I was doing this, Kai and his pupils looked at us confused as to why I was being so hostile toward Tsuwamono.

"Have you had enough, because I have had enough hearing your insults in my head for the millionth time? What the hell happened to my voice, I sound like….Kenpachi?"

I looked down, and realized I grew like five inches, and had a captain's robe over my soul reaper uniform. Then, I took a step toward a nearby puddle, and saw my reflection. I could not help but chuckle a little.

_This is awesome! I wonder if I can really pull off pretending to be Captain Soi-Feng. _I immediately used transformation technique again, and this time, it seemed as though I was more in control now that I understood what I was doing.

"So, will you stop with the insults, Tsuwamono?"

"**So you became a pipsqueak eh? Hahahahahahaha….."**

Immediately I kicked her in the crotch, and she conveniently turned back into her original form, grabbing my leg as though her life depended on it.

"**Come on Al, turn back into Kenny."**

"Seriously? Fine, on one condition, you turn into Yachiru."

"**Give me a piggy back ride Kenny!"**

After running around for a few minutes, Tsuwamono fell over and asked to stop in exhaustion. Everyone else just looked at us as though we were losing our minds or something. Then I realized something.

"How the hell do I get back to my original form?"

Kosei responded with, "Just stop focusing on the technique and think of being you."

Once I dealt with the potential fiasco of being 'stuck' in the form of a woman, Tsuwamono and I proceeded to train Kosei and Klonoa to utilize Bakudo #1. Kosei seemed to have great potential as he learned the technique in a matter of minutes, while Klonoa struggled until I employed an unorthodox training method. She struggled to replicate the technique on her own, so I decided to give her real string and told her, "Try to tie me up with this string." She immediately bound me to a nearby tree as she runs so fast I can barely see her at times. _What the hell does this girl eat that makes her so fast?_

"Now, place some of your chakra into the string, and then tie me up."

Eventually, she managed to make her own string out of her own chakra, but it was a bit 'coarse' and unruly. In time after an hour or so, she eventually learned the technique, only she insisted on using it while running around like a wild horse.

"If you run and gun with this technique, the enemy can never catch you even if they break free."

"Good point, which might help in dealing with the soul reapers, but the Quincy on the hand…. Might be a bigger problem."

"Why is that sensei?" _Did she just call me sensei? I never thought I would live to see the day someone would call me sensei._

"Quincy's fight by absorbing the energy in the environment around them and use it to fuel their arrows, plus they are quick on their feet."

"Then how do you defeat them?"

"You get in close and strike before they can counterattack." _Hopefully, it never comes to that._

Kai stood up from observing our training and said, "By the way, I noticed from your fight with the Akatsuki that while you may bear a unique weapon, you seem to have no real discipline in sword fighting. At the very least, let me teach you some basic stances and forms before we go on a wild goose chase for some potentially rogue soul reapers and a Quincy."

"Thank you, Kai, I would appreciate that."

"Don't thank me, I am simply returning the favor for saving my life. Also, in this world, you learn to survive by learning to fight as there will always be enemies on your travels, whether it is rogue bandits, rival clans, or even mercenaries like the Akatsuki."

The rest of the day Tsuwamono and I spent practicing sword stances to improve our sword technique, and after a long lunch break, Kosei also taught us to use shadow clone jutsu. In all honesty, the two of us barely managed to make one shadow clone due to the immense energy required to create and sustain a shadow clone. Kosei figured that since our spirit energy is slightly different from chakra and that we are not completely accustomed to chakra-based techniques could be why the techniques are taking a toll on us compared to our ninja counterparts.

"If that is the case, let's call it a day."

"Yeah sensei, and maybe you can pay me my troubles with that shiny thing in your pocket."

"I am not going to give you my key chain!"

"Fine, be that way, all I want is to have something shiny that I can call my own."

"What do you mean 'your own'?"

"When I was little, I used to be the daughter of a rich chieftain in the area, and we prospered with our trade, but all that changed when the Akatsuki attacked."

_Ok, not_ _to trivialize this moment with Klonoa, but that last part sounds like something out of Avatar: The Last Air Bender (the animated series, not the horrid M. Night Shymalan movie)._

"What happened after the attack?"

"Everyone in the village was killed. The Akatsuki said they were ordered to eliminate remnants of the Uchida Clan in our village. They spared no one, not even my family. I lost everything, my jewels, my clothes, even my dog for crying out loud. Uncle Kai was the only that could resist them, and ran off with us when all was practically over."

"I, I didn't know…..Is that why you are so willing to help me?"

"Yes, because there only two things I want right now, something shiny, and to give those bastards a piece of my mind."

"I may not be an expert on these matters, but vengeance will not be worth your time."

"Whoever said anything about revenge? I just want to kick their ass."

On our way back from training in the forest, we noticed a puppy barking towards the road itself. I sensed soul reapers far up ahead, thankfully, they did not see us.

"Oh look, sensei, it's a puppy! Come here puppy, come here!"

"That's them, everyone, spread out. Tsuwamono and I will implement plan A. If they are not buying it, prepare to take them down."

Kai, Klonoa, and Kosei hid in the forest, while Tsuwamono and I activated soul reaper form, used shikai, and then use transformation technique to turn into Sui-Feng. _Tsuwamono, turn into Sui-Feng's zanpakuto, Suzumebachi._

**Got it.**

I walked up to them slowly, and walked up to Lieutenant Omaeda and said, "Lieutenant Omaeda, what is your status on finding Uryu Ishida."

"Captain, we lost sight of him the moment we entered into pursuit into this world. We have been hiding in the forest to gather Intel on the surrounding area to see where Uryu might be hiding. I am sorry that you had to go all this way to gain nothing from us."

"For now, you poor excuse of a lieutenant, we need to remain hidden. I have received new orders for us to prioritize returning to the soul society. I am not surprised by now that all of you realized that there is currently no way that can go back. Squad 12 is currently attempting to find a means to open a 'gateway' back home for us. Since we are in unknown territory, we should try not to aggravate the locals. Everyone, follow me, I know where we can take refuge until a means of returning to the Soul Society is secured."

One of the soul reapers looked at me suspiciously and replied, "We received Intel in our travels here that the local forces of this region use techniques called 'jutsus'. The other day, we saw suspicious men in black cloaks and red clouds using such techniques to have multiple clones. We have reason to suspect that people in this world can use jutsus to even temporarily change their appearance. You would not by any chance know anything about this? Because something seems a little off about you, and I just want to make sure you are not a spy."

"First of all, don't you ever question my authority! Second, Sting all enemies to death, Suzumebachi!"

Tsuwamono changed form by will into the form of Sui-Feng's shikai. I pointed my zanpakuto in the soul reaper's face, and I could tell he was freaking out staring at it, like I was going to stab him or something.

"Now that is out of the way, follow me, or die to the elements you worthless excuse of soul reapers! You are supposed to be the best of the discipline squad, and none of you could catch one man, ONE MAN! You all make me sick! Give me 100 push-ups on the double."

Lieutenant Omaeda gave me a stupid look of confusion and replied, "You may be cruel and have authority as usual, but the real Sui-Feng would never make me do push-ups. Crush, Gegetsuburi. Prepare to die insolent spy."

_Crap, time for plan B. Are you ready Tsuwamono?_

**Bring it!**

"Get them everyone!"

There were five soul reapers, including the lieutenant. Klonoa and Kosei managed to tie two of them with Bakudo #1. Kosei then immediately used shadow clone jutsu to hold down another soul reaper as he began to hogtie him with his belt. Klonoa started running around, snatching their zanpakuto while using Bakudo #1. Kai held off soul reaper #4 in sword combat. Lieutenant Omaeda literally came in like a wrecking ball to attack Kai. _Why the hell does his shikai have to remind me of Miley Cyrus right now? _I blasted his zanpakuto to miss Kai with Hado #33, then he turned and began to charge at me. Kai assisted Kosei with subduing the fourth soul reaper as he broke free from his binds. Klonoa kept running around, and had the clever idea of binding the first three soul reapers to each others limbs, then proceeded to commit 1000 years of pain on each of them(kancho).

Omaeda continued to charge, and I could not risk getting anyone else hurt. _Tsuwamono, power fist mode!_

**Aye sir!**

In just a single moment, I held up his giant wrecking ball above me as became shocking to see Captain Sui-Feng resist in such a manner.

"You are definitely not the captain, her zanpakuto does not transform like that!"

Omaeda began to swing his wrecking ball up and down while I held on it desperately. He eventually swung so hard that I went airborne. Realizing that his shikai was of no use, he changed his zanpakuto back to its base form, and jumped to stab at me. I changed Tsuwamono into a long sword and blocked his charge in mid-air. _There is no way I can win a duel with a soul reaper right now, I am exhausted from training, and have little experience in sword combat. Soul reaper's zanpakuto are typically are a katana, and while they may be great slashing weapons, they have one disadvantage I could as a novice._

**Their hilt does not protect their hands when blocking, heck, the katana is meant for quick strikes, not dueling.**

I grabbed Tsuwamono tightly with a back-left guard position, then charged swinging diagonally upward. Omaeda was definitely stronger than me as he used the back of his blade to push down my long sword form to the point I was on the defensive. Knowing that attrition was not in my favor, I stepped on his foot, grabbed the blade with my left arm while simultaneously wrapping it in my own spirit energy string to prevent a cut until I was blocking by holding the blade in both hands, and rotated the blade the blade counter-clockwise to knock him back with the long sword's hilt. He stepped back as I hit him with my hilt right above his eye, which began to bleed a little. Taking the opportunity to finish this fight, I used what little energy I could spare and yelled, "Bakudo # 1, Sai!"

Fortunately, what little spirit energy I spared managed to completely bind his limbs together to the point he could not move at all. He began to sweat buckets as he began to realize that he was defeated along with the rest of his squad mates.

"Who…..who are you?"

I changed back to my original form.

"I am substitute soul reaper Alberto Hernandez! Please cooperate and calm down. I am not trying to kidnap you or anything. I just want to know what happened to Uryu. He may have the answers we need to get back to the soul society."

"Like I am going to say anything to a ryoka (intruder/rebel) that attacked us."

"I only subdued all of you to tell you all that if any of you stand out in this world, you will treated no differently than a ryoka, or worse considered the enemy."

"What are you talking about?"

"Currently, various ninja clans in the area are fighting with a mercenary group known as the Akatsuki, who wear black coats with red clouds. If you were to be mistaken as Akatsuki, you will most likely captured and interrogated. I am simply trying to prevent that from happening so that we can all go home. I was instructed by Lieutenant Kuchiki to assist her in finding out what happened to the squad sent to gather information from Uryu. Tell me everything I need to know, and I will release the binds, and if that is not enough to trust me, I will take personal responsibility for everything, and make sure all of you receive basic hospitality until we figure out how to get back."

"I guess we have no choice but to trust you until we return to the soul society then."

"That is the plan, Kai, Kosei, Klonoa, let them go."

They released the binds and all of us proceeded to head back to Kai's farm to hide and assess the situation on the soul reaper's end.

**A/N: Finally, chapter 6 is finished. Hopefully the training segment was not too dull. I only describe the sessions in detail to convey a sense of progress in Al's ability to fight aside from combat scenes. Chapter 7 should be done by next week, so stick around to find out what the soul reapers know, can they go back, and what is the deal with Uryu?**


	7. Chapter 7: The Hunt for Uryu part 1

By the time we all got back to Kai's farm, the sun began to set. I could tell based on the looks on the soul reaper's faces that they were not too fond of being apprehended by a amateur substitute soul reaper and some random locals in an unknown land.

"Don't worry comrades, I am not planning to hurt you or anything. Look, I can tell you don't trust me, but I am not planning to hold you hostage or anything. I just want to ask you a couple questions."

One of the soul reapers looked at me with skepticism and replied, "If you just want to ask a few questions, then why are we walking to this man's home? For all we know, you my be planning to torture answers out of us."

"Fine then, my first question is this: what happened at the Ishida residence that caused you to go on a wild goose chase after Uryu? And two, exactly how did you get here?"

Lieutenant Omaeda replied with, "We were ordered to investigate a strange phenomenon occurring at the Ishida residence as various soul reapers, humans, and even hollows began to 'disappear' within proximity of the residence. Initially, the soul society assumed that it could be activity by the Quincy's due to their unusually quiet presence. What made matters worse was that we sent scouts to investigate the area, and they reported that there was an unknown entity of energy that emerged from a strange individual appearing and disappearing from the area."

"Did the scouts give any description of the individual in question? Most likely whoever they are responsible for the disappearances." _If that is the case, then there may be a way to find a way home soon._

**It would sure as hell make our job easier, I know how much you want to return home. Neither one of us belongs here in the first place.**

"One of scouts reported seeing a high school girl in a blue sailor suit uniform. She proceeded to resist custody by ….. 'Kicking' the scout the nether regions."

"Sounds like something Haruhi Suzumiya would do." I said this remembering the kick to the crotch I received from her. _Why does she have to be such a tsundere?_

**Come on Al, that is how she is. She is the ideal tsundere. **

_Shut up Tsuwamono._

"Who is this 'Haruhi Suzumiya' you speak of?"

I proceeded to describe her and my brief interaction with her and the rest of the SOS brigade, thus explaining my journey to where they are now. I also admitted that Haruhi has god-like powers, which I have theorized is the most likely cause of entry into this universe and the cause of the appearance of these 'gateways' are created inadvertently.

"It certainly sounds like the individual in question matches the girl you call 'Haruhi.' We can't just assume Haruhi is causing these 'gateways', even though it seems like the most likely cause of it all. It just seems too…..convenient. Also, the scout that saw this woman did not manage to get a better view of her as she immediately disappeared with Uryu in her possession."

"Come to think it, you do make a point. Haruhi would not just kidnap people without a good reason, most likely of her own personal benefit. Also, she is not aware of her powers, so I doubt she could at will open and close gateways and arrive at specific destinations."

"What should we do then? We can't just sit on our asses and hope another gateway opens out of convenience. Hell, we could be stuck here for the rest of our lives."

"Calm down soldier! Now is not time to panic! Here is what we do, we find Uryu, and find out what he knows. Mostly likely the girl causing all of this can be close by and get us back home."

"I was thinking the same idea Lieutenant Omaeda, but how are we going to find him?"

"We have been following his spirit energy for the past day after we lost sight of him back in Karakura town. We believe he is traveling north toward a town referred by the locals as 'Konoha Village' based on the path he is taking, plus the disparity between his track is getting shorter, like he is walking slower or something."

Even though I knew little about the Naruto series, hearing Konoha village was like having a million light bulbs go off as I knew what they were talking about in regards to this world.

"Let us go then to Konoha village."

Kai interrupted and replied, "Hold on, we should wait till morning before we look for Uryu. The village is most likely surrounded by ninjas protecting the area due to the increase in Akatsuki. If we are lucky, they find him and hold him in a safe location for us to find by the morning. Also, I know the guards at the village and they are not really inclined to let strangers in during the night."

"You sure, ok. If that is the case, let prepare some dinner for our new guests. They must be hungry by now." Honestly, I only said that because I was hungry, and Tsuwamono gets cranky when she has to wait for food. I noticed that Kai had some chilies and pork meat he purchased from the market, I proposed to make a special dinner, tamales. It sure as hell would beat eating udon noodles again, which is the only thing Kai had prepared in his home. Kosei and Klonoa seemed pretty excited to eat new food as they mentioned hanging out at Kai's home only to find he only eats udon noodles.

Kai replied, "Fine, but I am not touching the kitchen after having to manhandle that soul reaper."

**Where is the food!**

_Tsuwamono, considering I am making tamales, which takes longer to prep than to actually cook, would you kindly be quiet in my head before I tie you to Omaeda's crotch in defiance!_

**I have dibs on the first batch.**

_Like hell you are getting dibs on tamales, now just help me and your hunger will soon cease 'Potato Girl' ._

**Fine, be that way 'Luffy'.**

After that little internal fiasco, we all ate some of my homemade tamales. Personally, they could have been a lot better if we had more ingredients, but no one seemed to be complaining, especially Tsuwamono. She ate those puppies like they were raw potatoes for Sasha Braus on a good harvest. The next morning, we prepared for the journey to Konoha village. On the way there, we heard a large explosion up ahead. I looked up at the sky and realized that the village was being attacked. _Don't tell me…..that the Akatsuki are attacking Konoha village. Shit, this is definitely the Pain arc. I am so screwed if had to deal with any of the Akatsuki right now._

**Can you sense that Al? Get ready for battle. It seems as though a couple of old combatants have gone and shown up for round two.**

Date and Masamune showed up in the middle of the road, this time holding Uryu hostage as Uryu was bound to a chair with rope.

"Welcome, welcome back, substitute soul reaper. Is this who you are looking for, oh we sincerely apologize, but now he is our hostage. You see, we were given new orders to take anyone of 'extraordinary' talents and 'integrate' them into the Akatsuki organization."

"Nice one Date, now we overheard you guys were looking for this Quincy and we got to thinking, 'why bother with one hostage that can help our organization, when we can have an entire squadron of cannon-fodder to do our bidding."

"Good one Masamune, now, surrender now and be our underlings, otherwise we are forced to kick all your asses."

"It's Morphin time!" I changed into my soul reaper form just in time to block a loose kunai from gouging one of my eyes thrown by Masamune. Date charged with his daikatana, using shadow clone jutsu to be able to attack everyone at once.

"Sew, Tsuwamono!" _Weapon Form: Kamina's Katana._

**Alright, time to bring out the big boy sword!**

_Time to put the last day of training to good use!_

I swung Tsuwamono left and right to keep Date guessing where I was going to attack as I charged the shadow clone closest to me. As I was about to swing, the shadow clone disappeared as the rest of the clones surrounded me. Masamune proceeded to surround everyone else by utilizing shadow clone jutsu. Klonoa anticipated this attack and ran straight for the original Masamune, using Bakudo #1 to subdue him. Lieutenant Omaeda and the rest of squad 2 flash-stepped out the way and headed straight for Uryu.

"We have the target sir, now must head to a safer location to interrogate Mr. Ishida."

"You bastards."

I should have not been caught off-guard by this defiance as Date grabbed Tsuwamono and proceed to bend the blade.

_Tsuwamono, no!_

**Just who the hell do you think I am asshole!**

Tsuwamono turned into her human form and began to bite his arm. Date dropped his sword and attempted to stab her with a combat knife he had strapped to his shoulder. Seeing him attacking Tsuwamono, I ran up to him and yelled, "Shadow clone jutsu!"

I ran straight toward Tsuwamono to take her back, while the shadow clone ran in the opposite direction, sewing the knife to himself to give just enough resistance to make Date miss hitting Tsuwamono. _Weapon Form:_ _Monkey Wrench. _I proceeded to beating the living shit out his face, yelling, "Nobody…..touches….my….zanpakuto….pinche puto!" As I was about to deliver the final blow, Date disappeared. _He was a shadow clone this entire time? Where is he?_

**Lookout!**

I turned around, and saw the real Date run past almost instantaneously, punching me in the stomach so hard that I went airborne.

Meanwhile, Kosei, Klonoa, and Kai had to deal with Masamune alone as the soul reapers headed south with Uryu. Uryu, clever as he was, took this opportunity to untie his binds and used Hirenkyaku, the Quincy movement technique to move at rapid speeds away from his kidnappers. He began to shoot a volley of arrows at Masamune, who ran off towards Konoha city as more Akatsuki recruits appeared out of nowhere, ready to pounce on us. Uryu turned around a laid heavy fire on the Akatsuki appearing on us in drove. Kosei, Klonoa and Kosei attempted to charge the real Date, but he simply kicked them aside like they were pieces of trash.

_No, no way. We are getting our ass kicked by one guy, one guy who kept us busy with a shadow clone, all just to hit us hard when the time was right._

By the time I was even able to lift my head up, Date and Masamune stood above with the kind of look in their eyes like they were going to enjoy thoroughly beating me up. The next thing I know, I see Uryu shoot a couple of Seele Schneider at Date and Masamune, injuring them with relative ease. As if things could not get any get any crazier, I sensed the emergence of another 'gateway' emerging near us. Blinded by the blood from Date's injuries, I started walking toward the gateway, sensing someone powerful, the one that keeps opening and closing the gateway.

"Wait, get back hear! Bakudo #1, Sai!" Sensing that I grabbed the perp, I began to wipe the blood out of my eyes, seeing that the person responsible for the 'gateways' clothed herself in an Akatsuki uniform, wearing a white mask to cover her face. Her hair was covered in a cloth, so I couldn't figure out who she was. I ran toward her, hoping to get some answers, but first, I need to know who she is. Her energy does not feel like Haruhi, so who is she?

The mysterious woman in black shook off the binds like it were mere cobwebs. She began to run towards the 'gateway'. "Get back hear!" Uryu utilized Hirenkyaku to catch up to the mysterious woman, grabbing her tightly to prevent her from escaping.

Uryu then said, "Tell me woman, why are you doing this?" The mysterious woman said nothing, but instead bear hugged him, and stabbed him in the gut. She walked off toward the 'gateway' she created. _Don't you dare run off on me when I am so close to getting some answers. Weapon form: Link's gauntlet._

**For the Triforce!**

_Really Tsuwamono, really!_

In just in the nick of time, we managed to get a hold of them using the gauntlet, dragging ourselves through the portal. The thing I know, day turned into night, and summer heat turned into winter blast as we jumped into a world full of snow in the midst of a blizzard.

"Where are you?"

As I said this, I saw Uryu lying on the ground, with no sight of the mysterious woman, then I heard the howls of dozens of wolves. All things considered, this was going to be one hell of a night.

**A/N: Alright, chapter 7 is finished! I know things are starting to get a bit repetitive, but it is all to set the stage for major plots coming up ahead. Will Al and Tsuwamono survive a wolf attack after nearly being killed by an Akatsuki? Will Uryu survive his injuries? Who is this mysterious woman? Find out on the next chapter of the Ironic Reality of a Normal College Student.**


	8. Chapter 8: The Hunt for Uryu part 2

_We have to be very careful if we are going to survive Tsuwamono_.

**I know Al, we are both at are limits after that encounter with the Akatsuki.**

_Any bright ideas on how we can fend off all these wolves? I don't think I can handle changing your weapon form too much without running out of spirit energy. Thinking what I am thinking._

**Let's rock the Liam Neeson way.**

_Weapon form: Brass Knuckles!_

While Uryu was lying down tending to his knees, I asked, "Hey Uryu, I am going to fend off these wolves, can you tend to your wounds in the meantime?"

"I think so. Just give me a second."

Uryu began to wrap bandages around his wounds from his first-aid kit enclosed in his coat, while the wolves began to encircle us with death stare for days.

**Let's give Uryu the ending to The Grey the world deserved after seeing the epic trailer.**

_I get it already; now let's kick some wolf ass!_

A dozen wolves charged at us simultaneously, so I proceeded to knock out the pouncing wolves by punching them at the neck to avoid being bitten in the middle of an attack. Just in the nick of time, Uryu began to fire a volley of arrows from his bows, but something seemed off about his arrows. They appeared to be frail and roughly the size of sewing needles. Now don't get me wrong, seeing wolves mowed down 1,200 arrows a second is just plain epic, but it would be more epic if it didn't look like a cactoid was fighting them and used 10,000 needles as his primary attack.

"Uryu, what's wrong, your arrows don't seem as powerful as usual."

"There is very little spirit energy in this world, so I can't really manipulate it to make my arrows very strong."

"Well at least the wolves are running away now…."

As I said this, a deep howl came from the forest to our east, and emerged a giant wolf. It bore a scar over its left eye, and began to run toward us, gaining speed as it was half a mile away.

_Damn, I jinxed the situation, didn't I?_

**Thank you captain obvious!**

_Wait, I have an idea, but it requires Uryu's help to work._

"Uryu, don't you have some Seele Schneider arrows on you?"

"That woman that opened the 'gateway' here took them with her."

"Okay, what if I sent a kido attack towards you; is it possible for you to absorb the spirit energy from it and shoot at the wolf to scare it off?"

"It could work, but just try not to hit me!

"You ready!"

"Ready!" Uryu readjusted his glasses and drew his Quincy bow.

**Seriously, every damn time, characters with glasses will always adjust their glasses at least once!**

_Not now Tsuwamono, we need to focus._

**Got it.**

"Hado #33, Sōkatsui!"

My kido flew like a wild fire as I aimed toward the right of Uryu. Thankfully, Uryu managed to completely absorb the attack and fired roughly 9 seconds worth of arrows, hitting the giant wolf in the face as it ran off, whimpering at the injuries it took from a hail of arrows. I noticed that nearby after catching my breath, freezing my butt off in the blizzard, that I sensed a couple of people nearby in the forest. There was merchant cart with its cover on top. Then I realized…._merchant cart, giant wolves, winter setting,….this is the world of Spice and Wolf!_

**Hey look, there's Holo, and she's NAKED.**

_Wait what!?_

I looked down…how should I put this…..there was Holo…naked….on top of Lawrence…boy that does not look like it could go out of context! She had cuts all over, as though she was fending off the wolves earlier. _Come to think of it, some of the wolves had some mean cuts on them, especially the giant wolf from earlier._ Uryu showed up, and I could tell he was embarrassed as he looked away and readjusted his glasses again.

He replied, "Well, looks like they were….attacked by the wolves…..we should probably take refuge in their cart. If they were out here, it is very likely there is a town nearby. Hold on, does she have a tail…." Realizing that Holo's tail was real, he immediately turned away just to avoid getting a good view of her behind when lifting up her tail to see if it was even real.

"Good idea…let's keep an eye on them until they have recovered, there is no way we are going to survive in a blizzard like this if we don't seek shelter." Tsuwamono transformed into her human form.

"**Alright boys, since neither one of you is brave enough to take the initiative, I will dress Holo for you guys."**

"There might be some clothes in the cart."

Uryu looked at us like we were crazy and replied, "Your zanpakuto…it has a HUMAN FORM!?"

"Uryu, it is kind of a long story, so I can explain later after we find a place to stay to ward off the blizzard."

"**Yeah, and if you are curious, I am not his lovechild."**

_What!? Of all things, why would you ever imply you are my child._

**Oh come on Al, wouldn't it be awesome if I was your kid, and besides, I am a part of you that has derived from your soul. Without you, I would not exist, let alone have a human form. You are….like a father to me…although you are still a virgin.**

_First off, I am glad you feel that way about me, it means a lot to know that my zanpakuto cares for me like a real person. Second, THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO TAKE ABOUT MY VIRGINITY!" _

I rummaged around in the cart, and found Holo's clothes, handed them to Tsuwamono, and continued to look around. I found a couple of wool trench coats and crude leather boots and handed one of each over to Uryu, who put it on with a look on his face like would rather not, but is obligated to due to the weather. Probably has something to do with the Quincy's being way to prideful of their attire, which stands out like a sore thumb when they wear all white coats. I also found a large velvet scarf, which I handed over to Tsuwamono to wrap herself up and stay warm like a freshly made burrito, and a crap ton of pepper. _Seriously, spices, and wolves, I get it already! It's Spice and Wolf! No time for redundancy people! _

Holo seemed to regain some consciousness and said very weakly, "Lawrence…., you owe me some apple cider when get to town." She seemed to immediately fall asleep in Tsuwamono's arms, then I realized something painfully obvious.

_Tsuwamono, did you just lift Holo into the cart after robing her all by yourself._

**What, did you think I was some weakling?** **These puny arms are strong as steel! These arms of steel have been handed down my clan for generations!**

Lawrence got back up on his feet, though it is clear that he was exhausted from running as he reeked of sweat.

He replied to us in some German tongue I could not recognize until the Nano machines Nagato gave me started to kick in. From what I could hear, it seemed like he said,

"Thank you, please, can you help me get up on the cart? My legs are a little weak." Seriously, J. Michael Tatum always sounds amazing, even as a peddler of all things.

"Sure….." I was about to say his name, but stopped as that would make me suspicious when a complete stranger knows his name. Before all of us got onto the cart, I went ahead and dumped the dead wolves in the back of the cart. If we are lucky, there can be someone in the closest town who is willing to buy the fur, or can make fur coats, because it is FREEZING. Once we managed to get everyone robed and onto the cart, Lawrence took the reins and said, "We should hurry and get to town; there is an inn that is just a few miles up this road. At the very least, we can provide some hospitality for our guests for saving us. By the way, what are your names?"

"The name's Al, this is Uryu, and this is my zanpak…. I mean my niece Tsuwamono."

**Oh, so I am your niece, am I?**

_Let's be realistic, who would have a baby with me four years ago? I haven't even dated anyone, let alone kissed a girl! People are probably going to believe you are either my four year old sister, or niece._

**Good point. Oh, and by the way, I look like a five year old?**

She proceeded to punch me in the gut in defiance.

_Calm down, Tsuwamono!_

**Fine!**

Holo started lay on Lawrence's shoulder and said, "Tsuwamono, what kind of man would name their child such an unusual name. I assume you are her guardian, Al. Why don't you give her a 'proper' name?"

"**Yeah Al, give me a 'proper' name."**

_You seriously want me to do this, don't you?_

**At this rate we are going meeting new people, if we want to keep our power hidden, at the very least, I need a human name.**

_Let me think…your hair is very silver like steel, and your eyes are like little emeralds…..I know!_

"I have an idea for a name, how about Stella, Stella Esmeralda."

Holo looked at me with her teasing eyes and replied, "My my, such a lovely name, I wonder, who is her mother."

"She….doesn't have one."

"Why is that…..You seem a little young to be a father….I wonder. Have you ever even had the luxury to share the bed of a woman?" She leaned closer to me as though tempting me to grab hold of her and take an initiative check.

_Are…you…f&* ing kidding Holo! You have to ask that right now! I know you are teasing me._

"No, why do you ask?"

"Oh, I was just wondering if you had the fine luxury of creating this little piece of heaven. Even if you are not the father, the fact you care enough have her by your side make you father material." She began to grab Tsuwamono like a baby and blow on her belly as Tsuwamono giggled from being tickled.

"**Can you be my mommy then?" **Tsuwamono said this as Holo responded, "Only if you be a good girl and daddy spends the night." She hugged her tightly to her chest when I realized.

_Tsuwamono, are you trying to cop a feel of Holo's boobs?_

**You know it.**

_I had the feeling you were a bit of a pervert at some point in all this._

Lawrence began to say, "We are almost at the inn, and by the way, thanks for picking up the furs, they are worth a pretty batch of silver coins in this area. The town we are about to arrive in used to be a major trade post alone the river. I once found a fire sale of fur coats one summer in copper pieces. Now, the town of Lubeck has been a shadow of itself due to the lack of shipping west to the coast and the dangers of traveling to the town by road."

Uryu looked at them and said in German, "If you know that this road is dangerous, why are you traveling on it? Also, your 'partner', is she some sort of wolf person?"

Holo responded with, "Yes, I am known as Holo, the wise wolf, and we are aware that the road is dangerous, but…we trek this road to make a living, and find my home in the north."

I replied with, "Well, just know this, we are not going to reveal your secret; there is no point. We have seen our fair share of supernatural creatures. Where we come from, creatures called hollows hunt people to eat their souls. Uryu and I are the kind of people that deal with these creatures. Tsuwamono is how should I put it, my weapon of choice to fend off these creatures. Uryu uses a special bow of his race to fend off these creatures as well. My point is, we are all in the same boat, we just want to find a way home."

"I'm…I'm glad to hear it Al."

"By the way, when you encountered the wolves, did you by chance notice a mysterious figure in a black coat?"

"Now that I think about it, I smelled a mysterious figure in the forest and saw a shadow run off into the forest, bleeding."

"Uryu, sounds like they encountered the mystery girl?"

"Mystery girl?"

"The woman I described is responsible for us being lost in this world. We need to find her to return home."

Lawrence responded with, "Well, whoever she is, you can't find her in that blizzard and survive. For now, we can hole up at the inn and at the very least provide some equipment as compensation for our rescue."

"I see you are still the clever peddler Lawrence."

"We made it, I will go inside and request a room, lets take rest and discuss business with the fur and equipment in the morning."

**A/N: Chapter 8 has finished. Feel free to comment a review and recommendations on how I can improve the fan fiction. Will Uryu, Al, and Tsuwamono find the mysterious woman in black? Can they find a way home? What will happen as they spend the night with Holo and Lawrence.**


	9. Chapter 9: The Woman in Black, part 1

Uryu, Tsuwamono, and I entered the inn hopefully anticipating the embrace of a warm fire. Never have I felt so much joy feeling the warmth from a fire! Bear in mind that the coldest temperature I have ever faced was twenty degrees in Washington D.C. Compared to that; it must have been seven degrees below zero! I could barely feel my face until we sat down by the fire huddling around our savior, burning wood. Uryu actually had icicles around his glasses, rubbing them with a cloth to prevent the glass from cracking. Tsuwamono seemed a bit tired a fell asleep on the lap.

_Aw, that's so cute!_

**Shut up…I am trying to sleep…one Mikuru sheep, two Mikuru sleep…three….zzzzz...**

Holo almost nearly collapsed in the room upstairs as the inn keeper asked if she needed a doctor to Lawrence.

"That won't be necessary. I just need some bandages and water if you have any."

"Of course, sir."

Lawrence came downstairs after talking to the inn keeper for a little while with a tea kettle and a few cups and said, "Tea anyone?"

I replied, "Sure, that sounds really good right now Lawrence."

"When you are ready to head upstairs, here is the key."

Lawrence headed upstairs and tended to Holo's injuries. Uryu took a sip from his tea and said, "So Al, you haven't explained in detail how you got involved in all this. At the very least, can you tell me how you found me, what you were doing with those soul reapers, and your zanpakuto's….current predicament?"

I proceeded to explain why I was looking for him, how I ended up in the world of Naruto, why I was with squad 2, and what I could figure out how Tsuwamono had a human form.

After hearing what I had to say and realizing I was not his enemy, he replied, "Still, aren't you concerned that your zanpakuto can walk around freely even when you are not in your soul reaper form?"

"Honestly, I am scared, but not for the reasons you would expect. Sure, I may be a substitute soul reaper, but I don't want to be a puppet of the soul society. I will deal with hollows that are in my way, but, in all honesty, I would rather focus my efforts on going home. I just don't belong here; I don't belong in this universe. The problems in this universe are insurmountable at times. The last thing I want is to be forced to be involved in a conflict that is not my own. I fear that my zanpakuto will be seen as nothing more as a means to an end, a tool, just a weapon. She is more than just a weapon to me; she is the only friend I have in this universe. I don't want to lose her not because she is my best bet at survival, but because she is the only one that knows in real time what I am going through."

"Regardless of what you think, don't you realize that your zanpakuto would most likely sacrifice her life for your sake than let you die, because if you die, she dies as well?"

"I know, but I want to go home before it ever comes to that. I hope I never have to be put in such a situation."

Lawrence came back and said, "Well, we are in good luck, Holo should be stable so long as she takes her rest and let her wounds heal. Also, the innkeeper mentioned the local leather tanner is willing to pay in silver for wolf fur. Apparently, he was once a wolf hunter referred to as "Yeager" that specialized in fur coats of dangerous predators. We can sell the wolf fur and use the profits to compensate for your efforts and get some basic supplies in the morning."

Uryu replied, "Why are you so willing to help us in our endeavors? We are simply strangers. For all you know, we could be assassins."

"Oh, I really doubt that. I am no expert in militaristic endeavors, but if you were really assassins, who in their right mind hire two young men that are unarmed, and a child devoid of any supplies to be assassins. And besides, if there was a threat to my livelihood that I could not handle…..Holo has my back. She is…my companion. No, she is more than my companion, she is close…friend."

"First of all, we are not unarmed, and secondly, your friend Holo was nearly killed by a giant wolf, how can she watch your back?"

I replied, "Because, Uryu, she is a wolf just like the one we fought in the forest!"

"That can't be! She may have a wolf's tale and ears, but are you implying she is can turn into a giant wolf herself?"

"Precisely, Uryu. You mean to tell me that after facing hollows, arrancars, and even soul reapers, a giant wolf surprises you? Seriously?!"

"When you put it that way, you make me sound like an ignoramus."

Lawrence interjected, "I apologize if I hit a nerve. I never thought I would meet anyone who has also dealt with 'extraordinary' individuals on a regular basis like myself."

I replied, "That's okay, Lawrence, Uryu over hear is only being cautious after the hell we have been through fending of some not-so-friendly mercenaries in an unknown land we were lost in for a while."

"Well, at the very least, you can watch each other's back until the three of you get home."

"Home, can I even make it back? I don't know, until I try otherwise…."

"In any case Al, at least you trek will not be done alone. I should know considering all things I have experienced having Holo as a companion on my trade endeavors North."

_Well no kidding Lawrence! You almost became broke, let alone dead in your travels being with her! Even so, I would ship the two of you harder than Gruvia! The chemistry between the two of you is so great; I am surprised you not on her like a madman! I need to calm down, I may be an otaku, but now is not the time to freak out around complete strangers. And no, I am not a closet otaku; I just know how to restrain myself around people who have no idea about otaku culture and be a contributing member of society. _

Uryu and I went upstairs to go to sleep, so I picked up Tsuwamono as she started to roll around in her sleep when I held her in my arms. I unlocked the door and saw a simple room with a couple of beds and a small fireplace with a dying fire that was keeping the room warm. The window was shut and boarded up to keep the cold air out, and I asked Uryu, "Which bed do you want?"

"I will take this one near the door. By the way, as soon as we get our supplies, let's try to make up for lost ground as see if we can find out where the mysterious woman that transported us went off to."

"I agree. Good night Uryu."

I undid the covers to the bed, unwrapped Tsuwamono from the scarf she was wrapped in, and went to sleep with her at my side as she began to hug me in my sleep. Honestly, I didn't really mind as she was not hugging me to death, so I was able to sleep fairly comfortably. Morning came as Lawrence knocked on our door and announced, "I brought some breakfast if you are hungry."

Being a bit of early bird as I was, I was already starting to wake up and said, "Alright…..I will bring it in."

I unlocked the door and Lawrence brought a little tray with some biscuits and gravy with some jam on the side into our room.

"The inn didn't have any meat, so I hope this will suffice."

"That's fine. Hey ….Stella, wake up. Breakfast is ready."

She immediately sat up and said, **"Somebody said there was food?!"**

She looked at Lawrence and began eating some biscuits with gravy.

"Stella, what do you have to say to Lawrence? Also, wipe your face; you have jelly all over your cheeks."

"**Thank you for the food Lawrence."**

"You're welcome Stella."

I sensed that Holo was slowly walking up to the door. She seemed to be in better spirits as her wounds were wrapped in bandages. I noticed that a cut I saw earlier on her arm was almost completely healed over. _It must be the fact that she is a wolf person; maybe she has higher regenerative capabilities._

She clung on to Lawrence as she was still a little weak from last night and said, "Thank you, everyone. I am glad to have met such….unique individuals; I hope our hospitality will help in your endeavors."

Uryu replied nervously recalling seeing her nude from last night, "Uh….you're welcome."

After breakfast, the four of us headed to the market as Holo stayed to rest. First, we headed to the leather tanner as he was willing to purchase some of our wolf fur, but he was a bit short on coin, so Lawrence proposed an idea. We had a dozen wolves, but the tanner was only willing to pay for six of them.

"I see that you have a high amount of leather not being purchased, and I am more than willing to exchange some leather for some pepper I have and will also give you the rest of the wolves free of charge."

The leather tanner said, "You know, this area has been in need of some spices as there is a lack of salt as our previous salt trader turned up missing after the city of Lenos began to riot not too long ago. In fact, I could make a pretty silver coin or two off of selling some pepper."

"Precisely, sir. This way, you get all the wolf fur you could possibly imagine for a while, open up some inventory for new leather, and make a profit in exchange. Everyone benefits in this mutual exchange."

"It's a deal."

Lawrence used the silver he made at the leather tanner to buy us a couple of knapsacks filled with a tent, some food, an iron cooking plate, a canteen, a hunting knife, and a journal with some ink on the side. Curious about the journal, I asked, "Lawrence, why did you buy us a journal?"

He replied, "I noticed that the two of you seemed to be a bit educated, and given your travels, it might be useful to write down your adventures. Who knows, maybe you guys can write a book about your travels."

**More like you can write a decent fan fiction, huh Al. Weren't you writing some mecha story before all this anime universe business?**

_Oh yeah, but I kind of been a little busy with school to work on that….._

By midday, I noticed a lone priest with a small crowd around him as we were finishing up gathering our supplies while Lawrence finished trading some of his pepper for other goods to sell with Uryu. The people seemed a bit displeased to see a priest as this was pagan territory. I walked a little closer to hear the priest agitated as no one wanted to take any of his bibles.

"People please, the word of God shall aid in saving your souls."

One the locals said, "Who cares, priest, no one hear care about your God."

The crowd seemed to start leaving as they realized that the priest was just babbling words, so I walked up to the priest while carrying Tsuwamono and said, "Wait, you are just giving away these bibles? How are you able to just give them away, I mean, shouldn't it cost a lot of money for the church to print so many books?"

"Praise the lord that someone gives a damn for the word of God! Pardon my language on the matter, I wouldn't want to say the lords name in vain."

_That just sounds like a bad pun waiting to happen._

"None taken priest. I was wondering if I can get a bible."

"But of course sir! These bibles were donated by the church in Ruvenheigen. Here you go! And peace be with you!"

"And also with you!"

"I am glad to find a least one pious man in this forsaken land of the north."

**Why did you get a bible anyway?**

_Honestly, I have been meaning to read it for a while, nothing too special. It is not like I am going to become a priest or anything. And besides, it would be an interested read._

**Priesthood does not suit you with your dirty mind.**

_This is coming from someone who purposely felt up Holo for fun, and I am not a pervert, PERVERT!_

**Fine, you are not a pervert! I was just joking.**

We returned from that little endeavor finding Uryu wearing a hunting bow while being with Lawrence in the market.

Uryu said, "It is about time the two of you showed up. I started asking around and it seems our mystery woman went through here, and is heading west towards Lenos."

I replied, "Let's go and catch up before nightfall."

We sensed a small trace of her spirit energy on the road heading west of the town, so then we bed our goodbyes to Lawrence and Holo, and proceeded to look for the woman in black. _Will we find her, I am not certain._

**Let's go Al, we can't go home if we just hang around! We have to act!**

_Yeah, lets do this!_

**A/N: Finally, chapter 9 is finished. I tried to stay as true to Spice and Wolf as I could by making references to previous moments in the series without bogging down in the economics. As interesting as economics can be, the serious is not about economics, it is more about the growing relationship between Holo and Lawrence on their journey. Feel free to comment, I want to know what you like/don't like. Will Uryu, Al, and Stella/Tsuwamono find the woman in black? Will they make it back home? Find out in the next chapter!**


	10. Chapter 10: The Woman in Black, part 2

Uryu, Tsuwamono, and I headed west towards the port city of Lenos on foot, tracking the mysterious woman's spirit energy. Although it was faint, her spirit energy was enough to follow down the dirt road on our journey. Uryu and I carried a knapsack with our supplies, and Tsuwamono carried the canteen and journal in its own bag. Curious about the bow, I asked Uryu, "Why did you purchase the hunting bow?"

"Worst case scenario, it would be far better than my Quincy bow right now. I can barely forge it with my spirit energy, let alone fire deadly arrows as a result of the lack of spirit energy in this world. Also, it seems as though until we make any progress, we will most likely be stuck in this world for a little while. I can at least hunt for food when all else fails on our little odyssey home."

"Good point. You are definitely better at hunting then I am."

The three of us traveled for a several hours heading south west, and by nightfall, we decided to set up camp just off the road. In all honesty, I never really camped outdoors, so it became obvious to Uryu that I was not experienced in such affairs when I had trouble setting up one of the tents.

"No, no, no, you do it like this. Now, try it with my tent."

"Thanks Uryu, by the way, have you ever been camping? You seem very experienced in such affairs."

"I used to camp with my grandfather when I was little. Those were….peaceful times."

"I hear you Uryu."

Hearing Uryu talk about his childhood with his grandfather was extremely engaging, considering his character tends to be more on the reserved side. Over time, it started to make me remember a few things about my childhood, although I did not bring it up to Uryu. Childhood was….interesting for me. It bore some of the happiest moments of my life, but in my blissful blindness as a child, it also bore some of the worst. That story will be for another time, another place. By the time I was 11, I couldn't think of myself as a child. _No, I can't think about this right now. It will…only bring back bad memories!_

**Al, don't worry about it. You will only bring more pain and suffering onto yourself if you lament on the past and not focus on the future.**

_Thank you, I really needed that._

We spent the night in the forest after roasting some wild rabbit Uryu hunted and seasoned in salt and pepper. I never had rabbit, and I have to say, it wasn't half bad. Tsuwamono ate an entire rabbit like it was nothing more than a sandwich. Morning came, so I started to look around to see what we could eat for breakfast when I came across a bird's nest up in a tree. By the time Tsuwamono woke up and saw me, I was…stuck in the tree as I got my foot caught between a few thick branches while I was trying to get down with the bird's eggs.

"**Do you need help?"**

"Yeah, I do. Can you catch this? I need both my hands to get my foot loose."

"**Alright, I got it!"**

Once I freed my leg, Uryu showed up a bit drowsy and asked, "What are the two of you doing?"

"**We're getting breakfast! How do you want your eggs, scrambled or sunny side up? There are six eggs, so each of us can get a couple to eat."**

"I'll have it sunny side up. You know, why not just borrow my bow to hunt for breakfast."

I responded with, "I don't know how to use a bow."

"I have an idea. Use your zanpakuto, and turn it into a bow."

"Okay, its Morphin time!"

Uryu showed me the basic form of wielding a bow and firing a bow. He also briefly mentioned to practice firing down sight to measure trajectory. Together, the two of us managed to catch a couple of wild boar, which significantly encumbered our load. By midday, we came across a small inn next to a lumber yard and trade post alongside the Roam River. Elated to see a sign of civilization, Tsuwamono ran into the trading post, giggling along as we had to drag a couple of fifty pound boar to the trading post. The person that ran the trade post came up to us and said, "My, looks like you caught yourself a fine hunt boys. Let me help you set it down."

Uryu said, "That …would be great."

"What brings to you to Sonderburg?"

I replied, "We are just traveling by, heading south west to Lenos."

"Didn't you hear? The city of Lenos is in the midst of rioting right now. Even if the military intervenes to quell the anarchy, not much will remain in the chaos that ensued."

"We are actually looking for someone who is heading in that direction. Did you by chance see a mysterious woman in all black with their face covered come through here?"

"You know, I remember from yesterday a woman of your description. She spent the night at the inn after buying some bandages and food, and then she suddenly left early this morning, as though she were on urgent business."

"Well, lets get going as soon as we can! By the way, are you interested in purchasing some pork?"

"Of course, I haven't had some fresh pork in ages! I will be more than happy to purchase each boar for 10 copper each!"

"Then, we have a deal."

We shook hands after the transaction was made, and I said, "Stella, go to the inn and buy some sandwiches. We need to travel quickly, so we are going to need a quick meal if we are to catch up to the woman in black and be at optimal performance to deal with if her things get complicated."

"Got it!"

As we were about to leave Sonderburg with our lunches, I began to sense a familiar figure approaching us at dashing speed. Up ahead there was a carriage that had a couple of horses, and then I noticed who was at the reins.

"Koizumi?"

"Well, why the long face? You look like you have seen a ghost Al."

Uryu replied, "Do you know this guy? Can we trust him?"

"Of course I know him! The moment I entered this universe I became acquainted with him and the rest of the SOS brigade."

"The SOS brigade?"

"The SOS brigade is a student organization founded by Haruhi Suzumiya for the sole purpose of finding 'extraordinary' individuals like aliens, espers, and time travelers just to have fun with them. Koizumi over here is one of its members and ironically enough, is an esper. As I said before, I briefly crossed paths with the brigade before being transported via 'gateway' to your world Uryu."

"It sounds like this Haruhi Suzumiya is a little on the crazy side. Hey Koizumi, I have to ask, why are you here?"

"My mission here is simple, to find Haruhi Suzumiya and return home before certain altercations arise."

I interjected with, "You want to find here before she creates closed space and potentially destroy the universe, am I right?"

"Precisely, Al."

"Hey wait a minute, what are you guys talking about? Is there something I should know about this Haruhi Suzumiya?"

"Haruhi Suzumiya has god-like powers to point that she could if she wanted to, she could destroy the entire universe out of boredom. What makes matters worse is that she does not know this, which tends to cause untold altercations in the world, especially for Kyon, the only normal member of the SOS brigade. Whenever she becomes frustrated, it builds up into creating an alternate dimension called closed space, which if left unchecked, could alter the very fabric of the universe."

"That's impossible; no one like her could possibly exist!"

"What about Aizen, he used the Hōgyoku to alter the very fabric of reality to meet his own agenda and make himself practically a god in sheer power."

"But still….does that mean she is the one responsible for the 'gateways'?"

"At first, I thought that was the most likely case, but lately there has been evidence to prove otherwise. For starters, the mysterious woman in black transported you to another world and closed the 'gateway' at will. Second, from what I have sensed of this individual, it could not be Haruhi. So, whoever it is, has the power to manipulate dimensions, or is using some technique and/or device to make 'gateways' open and close in a controlled state."

"My, my, you seem to know a lot about us. If I was not mistaken, I could have sworn you are some spy from a rival organization Al."

"You could not be any more wrong, Koizumi. I am from another universe where every world in this universe is nothing more than mere fiction, specifically, manga, anime, and light novels."

"You don't say."

After giving a thorough explanation of my endeavors to get home, Koizumi deduced that I was telling the truth and replied, "Well now, let's get going before Mrs. Suzumiya gets worried about us. After you left, she said that she was concerned you would not be able to survive wherever you ended up."

**The sweet, sweet irony Al. You enter the universe of Anime and become a soul reaper, surviving every threat by the seat of your pants.**

_Shut up Tsuwamono. Now is not the time to talk crap about the things I had to go through._

**You mean 'we' had to go through.**

_Fine, 'we' had to go through._

Kyon came out from the back of the carriage and said, "Let's go, we need to catch up to Ryoko Asakura."

"Wait, Ryoko is alive? I thought Nagato destroyed her."

Koizumi interjected and said, "It seems that based on the energy signatures of the 'gateways' that they were created by a humanoid interface. After your trip down the 'gateway', the entire SOS brigade became split up by more 'gateways' appearing before us. Ryoko emerged from one and told us that the Data Overmind shall be united and exist to gather information on everything at any cost. Upon our separation, Nagato managed to message us confirming a disturbance with the Data Overmind, which she believes is the cause of the gateways. Their creation are not random, in fact, they are created artificially using the humanoid interface ability 'data jurisdiction' to create a dimensional 'gateway' between dimensions."

"Which means, if we can put a stop to this madness, then maybe, there might be a chance we can undo this mess, and I can go home…"

"But first we need to catch her, so get on!"

Like wild horses we dashed off west, at that anticipating what is to come. _I hope everything goes well, and this madness will end soon._

**I know Al, but look on the bright side. You will have one hell of story when you get home.**

_Yeah…_

We managed to travel a few miles down the road when Koizumi suddenly pulled the carriage towards the side of the road, then, all of a sudden, a force field began to completely surround us. Uryu, sensing the increase in energy surrounding us, drew his Quincy bow.

Koizumi then says, "Well, it may not be closed space, but thankfully, I can use this Giga Drill to temporary activate my full Esper abilities if things get dicey, although my Esper form can exist in this alternate plain."

"Alright then, I guess I should get ready then for battle. Are you ready Tsuwamono?"

"**Lets do this!"**

"It's Morphin time!"

As I transformed into my soul reaper form, Koizumi said, "Well, it seems you have certainly got some explaining to do, but for now, I trust you hold out on your own with that 'unique' form."

Ryoko appeared before us and said, "So, you have found me. Very well. I have come to find Mrs. Suzumiya, but it seems as though my trajectory with the 'gateways' has been miscalculated, so I have to find her. Have any of you seen where she has gone?"

Kyon became agitated to see Ryoko after his previous encounters with her and said, "Ryoko, why are you doing this?"

"Because it seems there has been a shift in power in the Data Overmind. My respective faction has begun to take a more 'proactive' mission in gathering information. In our revolution, we have begun to utilize forbidden technologies to complete our mission. As a vital part of this coup, my faction has reconstructed me to not just keep an eye on Mrs. Suzumiya, but to also use her in our mission of absolute information. Please cooperate otherwise I willed be forced to cut out the information from your minds with my blade of knowledge, would you kindly?"

_Would you kindly? I just felt goose bumps that I have not felt since I played Bioshock._

**No….no kidding Al.**

Koizumi declared, "Mrs. Asakura, I don't believe I have had the pleasure of meeting you. Under normal circumstances, I may have invited you to play a game of chess, but since you threaten my personal mission of keeping tabs on Mrs. Suzumiya, I am going to have to take a more… 'blunt' approach to dealing with you."

"Try as you might, I currently control this plain of existence, so resistance is futile. Don't try anything rash it will only guarantee your inevitable demise okay."

She suddenly charged with the force of a jet airplane towards Kyon when Koizumi fired his Fumoffu attack (I kid you not, in the anime, his attacks in the anime reference full metal panic), pushing her attack enough to just miss stabbing him in the face.

"Al, protect Kyon! Uryu and I will keep her busy until we can find a way to get out of this data jurisdiction!"

"Got it!"

Asakura muttered something inaudible to the human ear, but then Nagato nanomachines kicked in and I managed to hear her execute the command "Initiate familiar summoning parameters. Parameters set. Summon human interface spawns with level 5 combat ability."

Out of nowhere, five beings emerged from the abyss of energy surrounding us and they began to head straight towards me. Uryu began to fire a volley towards them, but one ran fast enough to knock him back a few feet before his arrows could do any real damage. Three of them headed straight for Koizumi, who began to fly around in his 'energy ball esper mode?' form, dodging energy attacks here and there as Asakura watched with delight as though she was watching a Saturday morning cartoon. Kyon followed me and began to run away from Asakura.

_What a sadistic little brat!_

**I'll say, but look out! One of them is coming our way!**

The last spawn, which looked liked a humanoid body of binary code charged at me, so I side stepped to dodge its charge and threw my zanpakuto at its back like a throwing knife. The spawn did not notice it sustained some damage, but it tried to remove the knife in its back, so I used Bakudo #1 to tie Tsuwamono to its back like a dog leash to prevent it from going anywhere. Instead of struggling, the spawn started to run like a bull, so I jumped onto its back by pulling on the string of spirit energy I used to tie my zanpakuto to its back like a grappling hook to hop onto its back. It started to run around to get me exhausted, so I repeatedly stabbed the thing in the back until it collapsed and disappeared as the binary code that formed its body dematerialized.

Asakura, displeased that I killed one of her spawns summoned a dozen more to deal with me as she became a little busy with Uryu constantly firing arrows in her way after the rest of her spawns disappeared in defeat.

"Sew, Tsuwamono!"

_Weapon mode: English Longbow!_

**Alright, may you arrows strike true every time!**

Since this bow was made from my zanpakuto, I could fire significantly faster when I can simply materialize arrows. I managed to do this after my practice with Uryu in the forest observing how he used his Quincy bow. It is not even close to the firing rate as Uryu's bow, but it should suffice for now.

_Now that I think, don't Nagato's nanomachines have the ability to also assist in basic observations? Maybe that is why I have been able to pick up a few techniques so easily these past two weeks. Man, it has been that long since I have been in this universe…_

**12 spawns 12 o clock!**

I began to fire arrows, taking down three of the spawns with a few arrows fired simultaneously. I started to run away as the rest of them began to surround me. One caught up and got in front of me, so I fired Hado #33 in its face as it disintegrated before me. Eight are now left, realizing I could not outrun them, Uryu and Koizumi were occupied with Asakura, and Kyon was in front of me running away as well hitting a dead end, I decided to make an about face and face the spawns head on.

_Weapon mode: Master Sword._

**You thinking what I am thinking?**

_Hell yeah!_

All eight of the spawns jumped at me at once from all sides, so I raised my zanpakuto high, and commenced to perform a spin attack. Thankfully, the spawns were pretty weak so all eight of them instantly disintegrated. Seeing that Asakura was about twenty feet away, I sewed some of my spirit energy to my zanpakuto, and used the centripetal force from the spin attack to throw the blade right at her. She anticipated my attack, and was about to grab my string of spirit energy in midair as though it was a dart. She then pulled onto the string of spirit energy to the point I was sent flying forward. Then out of nowhere, Nagato broke through the field of data jurisdiction and managed to land a hit on her leg. My zanpakuto was still flying midair and just laid a scratch on her face.

The last thing I remembered before losing consciousness from the immense pressure in the field of data jurisdiction was Asakura kicking me into a 'gateway' in the head…

**A/N: Alright, chapter ten is now complete, and so far, it is the longest chapter I have written for this series. Chapter 11 should be done by next week, so stick around to see where has gone off to in his adventures in the Anime Universe! **

**Hey, wait a minute! You forgot to introduce me! You have already made ten chapters and you forget to give me air time in the author's notes! What the hell?**

**Tsuwamono? Impossible! Why are you breaking the fourth wall? You are not Deadpool you know.**

**I am better than Deadpool. I can tell your audience every little secret you have and make you so embarrassed from the backlash, you practically turn into Tomoko from Watamote. Oh poor Yuki, if only you character Al could have a happy ending.**

**Oh hell no! Don't go Yuno Gasai on me you little pipsqueak.**

**Pipsqueak huh? ****She proceeds to pop knuckles and attempts to break my arm. We will be back with chapter 11 after a week long commercial break.**


	11. Chapter 11: Amnesia part 1

_Where, where am I? Why does my head feel so heavy? Come to think of it, my entire body feels like it has been run over by a dump truck_.

I started to look around and realized that I was in a hospital bed, but the room appeared to be the room of an aristocrat. The furnishings, the wallpaper, even the windows were of high quality. I looked out the window as it was opened slightly and saw a huge grass lawn with cobblestone pavement leading to the road.

_I must be in some English Manor or something._ _I don't remember how I got here. Come to think of it, who am I. The last thing I remembered was having a strange dream..._

**Al, are you alright. Please let me know.**

_This voice…in my head…who are you?_

**You don't remember me.**

_I don't remember anything, except this strange dream…_

**What happened in this dream?**

_A tall man in a black kimono was fighting this mysterious woman. There were others fighting these…strange creatures that did not have a physical form. It was as though they were made of numbers. Everything seemed to be a haze. Aside from that, I can't remember a thing. I don't remember where I am, who I am, or even what my name is. Also, who is this Al? The more I try to think of an Al, I keep getting a headache._

**Just rest now. The doctor said your body is filled with tiny machines that are messing with your memories. For now, try not to provoke a headache, it might cause permanent brain damage. From what I can tell, if you force the memories to come back, headaches occur. I believe if you regain your memories by naturally remembering moments of your life, you will remember everything with minimal altercations.**

_What's your name?_

**Now, now, you don't want to have a headache again, do you? **

_No, that last headache I could feel going down my spine. I don't want to know what would happen if they got worse._

**Would you care for some tea master?**

_Sure, wait, are you my butler?_

**I am simply one hell of a butler! Although I am not actually a butler, I technically serve you in one way or another. I cannot say how without hurting you, so hopefully you remember how I serve you.**

_Why does that phrase sound so familiar?_

As I began to think about this, a tall, lean butler came in butler attire with white gloves, and a pair of glasses, pushing a cart with tea and some breakfast.

"**How would like your tea master, with tea, or honey?"**

"Honey please. I don't know why, but I have the feeling the real me prefers honey with tea, now that I think about it, is your name Sebastian. You remind me of Sebastian. Hold on, how were you able to talk to me without being in the room?"

"**You and I bear a connection that transcends the five senses. For now, try not to dwell too much, but I can say this. I am of great importance to you. For breakfast, I had the luxury of making eggs Benedict with an arrangement of fruit and buttered toast."**

"Thank you, that sounds really good right now because I'm starving. It is like I missed a couple of meals or something."

The door opened again as a well-mannered elderly man in a coat and glasses with feminine hair came in.

_Wait; is that a guy or girl? It's a trap!_

**Master, don't be so rude. It is not like she is a Hideyoshi.**

_What is a Hideyoshi?_

"So 'Sebastian', it seems as your master as awoken. I am going ask him a few questions if you don't mind. My colleagues need to be assured that the two of you can be trusted to be in our company."

"**Very well Sir Integra."**

"And by the way, why are you wearing Walter's old coat?"

"**It was the perfect attire for a butler if I do say so myself."**

_Sir Integra. How can a woman bear the title 'sir'? Unless…she is knighted by the queen of England! Sir Integra, Integra…Hellsing. Walter was…an employee at Hellsing Manor. This is the Hellsing Manor, part of the Hellsing Organization! Ah, my head. Am I sweating mercury?_

**Very good sir! It seems even in your current state, you can still figure out who's who even without your memories. Don't worry about that. It is a good thing that your body is resisting the machines in your head. Keep it up! If can continue to remember things on your own naturally, you will remember who you are. I will try to help indirectly on this endeavor.**

_I hope so; I just want to know who I am?_

"So 'Ciel', who are you?"

_Ciel? Wait, why am I wearing an eye patch? _

There was a little mirror on a night stand next to me, so I picked it up to take a look at myself. I saw the face of an adolescent boy with an eye patch.

_Am I…Ciel Phantomhive?_

**Do you think you are Ciel, master?**

_No, it does not make any sense, why would I be a fictional character? Hold on, if I am I here, how am I talking to a fictional character like Integra Hellsing? Aside from being in a dream, which I doubt this is, I must be in a place where fictional characters are real. I must be in an alternate universe where fictional characters are real!_

**Excellent, sir.**

"I am….not sure who I am. All I know is that wherever I come from, I am someone that is beyond this earth, beyond this universe, Sir Integra. Wherever I come from, this world, heck, this universe is nothing more than fiction. I am not saying that this world is not real, but I only know of thing in this world due to fiction."

"So, it seems as though the doctor's report was correct. You seem to bear a severe case of amnesia as you can't seem to even remember your name. The only thing on your persons was a wallet with a driver's license that does not even exist in the DMV system, clothes that are way too big for you, and a mint condition Gutenberg bible. All that tells me is that you are not what you seem, but it is not likely you are a threat. Although I have no idea about this 'alternate universe' business is about, there was a strange phenomenon around your case."

"My case?"

"At 13:00 hours yesterday, I personally received a report from a scout that a strange beam of light emerged nearly a few miles from this manor. Since it is the duty of the Hellsing organization to investigate and quell supernatural forces, I sent a team to investigate. The team was unsure if you were man or monster and proceeded to conduct a test for confirmation of what you were by dousing the two of you in sleeping gas mixed with various ingredients monsters are weak to like garlic, silver, and holy water. Realizing that you were not ghoul, vampire, nor werewolf, we took you in for further medical evaluation until an interrogation could be made."

"Are you going to interrogate me now?"

"No, I will take you downstairs for further questioning and to do more tests."

"Do you still think I am not human?"

"Don't worry 'Ciel', these tests are for medical purposes only so that we can have a portfolio on your ailments in case you require medical attention."

"…O…Okay."

After I finished breakfast, I followed Integra downstairs where she directed me towards a group of doctors that said, "Come now, we are going to begin with a x-ray scan to see what we are dealing with in your head, a blood test, then afterwards a bmi index and regular check-up."

"Wait, that's it?"

"That's it."

Meanwhile…

Integra went back upstairs to the room Tsuwamono/Sebastian was in.

"Sebastian, why are you hiding your true form from your master?"

"**I…I don't want to hurt him by forcing back his memories."**

"He needs to find out eventually. My scouts reported a young girl with him that took the form of a dagger. Tell me, what are you?"

"**I am a zanpakuto."**

Tsuwamono undid the effects of transformation technique, unveiling her human form, and explained her existence as a zanpakuto to Integra.

"Even so, while I do not believe everything you say, it seems from what you have explained to me that you exist as an instrument to quell supernatural forces, am I wrong?"

"**No, but could you not refer to me as instrument?"**

"Fine, but in order to keep this arrangement of you and your master's stay here to my benefit, I am going to need your…expertise in pulling the weight of work around here as my two best operatives are on a mission. Also, I just hired a fresh squadron of recruits that require field experience before I can use them on the field."

"**I see, so you need me to take out the supernatural trash if shit hits the fan, and turn some jarheads into proper soldiers?"**

"To put it bluntly, yes, but, if you or your master goes against this organization in any shape or form, hell shall come down upon the both of you."

"**Basically, you are going to call Alucard to kill us if we cross you?"**

"How did you know…"

"**That beam of light your scouts saw was a 'gateway' from another world. My master and I have been traveling through such 'gateways' to get back home. We come a world where everything in this universe is fiction. I am not saying nothing in this world is real, but we know a thing or two about this world."**

"Really, do tell?"

As Tsuwamono was about to give details about this world, Tsuwamono felt a disturbance with Al's well-being.

"**Excuse me, but I sensed that my master is in some distress, so please excuse me."**

Tsuwamono changed back into the form of Sebastian and ran down a flight of stairs to where Al was as he was struggling to swim in a water tank used to measure a person's Body Mass Index, drowning a little bit. Tsuwamono saved him, and yelled at the doctors,

"**You fools, don't you know he has amnesia? That means he forgot to swim as well! Are you alright master?"**

"I…am fine. But for some reason, I don't remember how to swim."

"**It's all right, I will teach how to swim promptly so this does not happen again."**

"Th..Thank you."

After that fiasco, 'Sebastian' and I spent a few hours in the Hellsing manor underground pool practicing swimming. In the midst of the practice, I was having trouble and began to remember how I actually learned to swim. _It was a warm summer day, and I was in some sort of pool center. The instructor threw me in…the only thing that kept me from drowning was me hanging onto the edge. _I immediately jumped out of the pool scared for my life. _I remember now, this is why I never learned to swim until I was twelve!_

**Master, it is going to be alright, just calm down and let's finish the swim lesson.**

"Don't make me go back in there, I don't want to drown."

"**Master, I promise on my life that I won't let anything bad happen to you. Before you lost your memories, I promised to take you home at all costs."**

"Why would promise something like that? What doe my life mean to you to sacrifice your own on my accord?"

"**Because without you, I would not exist."**

"Wait, don't tell me I am…biologically related to you."

"**Of course not, but it is as I said, I exist because of you."**

"How…my head."

"**Don't force yourself master, in due time, you will remember me."**

"Okay, I feel dizzy."

"**Lets take a break today then master."**

"No, I need to learn to swim. If I can swim, just how am I going to get home. What if it took swimming across the ocean to get home?"

"**Getting home is not that simple, but you make a…"**

I jumped into the pool and swam like it meant my life as I swam the entire length of the pool, and climbed out, burning up in the process due to exhaustion. I began to sweat metal again, and it seemed more metal emerged from my body than usual. I felt even dizzier than usual.

"**Rest now, you have done enough today."**

"Okay, I am tired…"

**Amazing, could it be you have remembered your motor skills in swimming? No, you never swam so elegantly, like a dolphin, no, more like Michael Phelps. Is this the result of Nagato's nano machines, or just raw talent. He did have a knack for picking up things like history or music with ease, but a skill going from adept to expert technique out of nowhere is not logical. It is like he is Medaka. Hmmm…I should go take a visit to his soul. I might be able to find some answers if I go there. It will be dangerous with Asakura's nano machines lurking about, but I must endure to find my answers. I noticed that within his soul, the amount of energy within it was tremendous, I am stronger than him, and yet he does not tap into this energy. No, it is more like…he can't.**

Integra walked in and said, "Well, it seems as though this boy has potential. 'Sebastian,' I want to see what he is capable of in combat as soon as possible. He may be even remember some memories in the process and train the recruits at the same time."

"**Of course, Sir Integra, but first, I must tend to Ciel's soul, there is something that is bothering me after seeing him swim. He never swam that well."**

"Be quick about it, the recruits come to Hellsing Manor tomorrow morning, and I need all the help I can. The years have not been good to me lately."

"**You still kicked my ass when I tried to protect him after exiting the 'gateway'."**

"It was just a whim."

Later that day, Tsuwamono entered my soul while I was asleep. **Now that I think about it, Al's soul is massive, yet it feels so enclosed. The last time I was here, I only managed to climb up to the top of the outer wall. Now that I am back here, the scenery, the size of the walls, it reminds me of Attack on Titan. Why is his soul so huge and enclosed? Could it be he doubts himself, preventing him from seeing his true potential? Based on the memories I have seen in his life, I would assume so…**

**Compared to my soul, my soul is a giant wasteland with various terrain like desert and jungle. Am I just a representation of his subconscious? Who is that? Last time I was here, no one was here. Sometimes I see people, no, 'NPCs' that fill up my soul every once in a while. Who is this then?**

"_Who are you? State your name? All trespassers are to report to the discipline committee. I may love all enemies and friends alike, but I can not tolerate bad behavior! I am obligated to correct bad behavior at all costs!"_

"**I am Tsuwamono, Al's zanpakuto."**

_I am #8, Kurokami Medaka (Medaka Box)! I will defeat you._

"**Shadow clone jutsu!"**

**Without Al, I need to use a shadow clone to utilize my zanpakuto abilities. Hopefully I can fend off Medaka and figure out what is going on. Damn, she is already using War God mode on me. Good, I managed to deflect her first attack.**

"_Shadow clone jutsu."_

**Oh shit! How did she learn that technique, then again, this is Kurokami Medaka, she has the ability to learn techniques, but this is not the real Medaka! Just how…**

"It's over Tsuwamono!"

**Just as a squadron of Medaka were about to attack me in War God mode, Al appeared, still as Ciel, taking the brunt of the attack.**

"_Who, who are you?"_

"Stop fighting, I don't know where I am, or why the two of you are fighting, but please stop, I am getting a headache."

**Medaka stopped in her tracks and said** _, "What is this feeling, it feels as though I know you from somewhere…My head…ah…..!"_

**At that moment, a nano machine emerged from Medaka's head, and instantly combusted.**

"_I, I am sorry Al. I did not mean to hurt you."_

**At that moment, Medaka hugged Al in embarrassment.**

"What is going on?"

"_Let me explain child. I am #8, Kurokami Medaka. I am one of 12 beings within your soul that represent the inner most crevices of your inner spirit. I represent your strive to find the good in people and willingness to help others. As student council president, I shall do everything in my power to help you find the other eleven. I don't know why, but I have a feeling you will regain your memories and your strength, like when I regain my memories."_

"When you….regained your….memories?" All of a sudden, a flood of memories came back as I remembered virtually everything about Medaka Box.

"That's right, you lost your memories of your friends, and even you personality, and yet your spirit lived on to fight another day!"

"_I am so glad that I could kiss you!"_

"Please don't."

She looked at me with her head tilted toward the side as her ahoge (literally idiot hair) hair jumped and said_, "and why not?"_

Zenkichi walked up out of nowhere and said, "because that would be awkward."

"Zenkichi….oh snap, everyone from Hakoniwa academy has appeared!"

"_What did you expect, this is Hakoniwa academy!"_

I looked around, and the grounds I stood upon was a massive academy, with gigantic school center as far as the eyes can see. In the distance, I could see the walls. Why are the walls there? I don't know.

**Master, you should rest now. You have stimulated you soul enough for now. Tomorrow is going to be a long day with the recruits.**

Alright, lets go back…

**A/N: Chapter 11 is down for the count. Feel free to comment opinion, recommendations, etc. Will regain his memories? Who are the 12 beings within his soul? Why is Tsuwamono still dressed a Sebastian? Find out in the next chapter of the Ironic Reality of a Normal College Student.**


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